Pain and Pressure

Insert: Little Pain [by Olivia, insert song in Nana]

I have never felt pressured.
Yet, I am right now.
I thought I've forgotten pain.
Yet, it returns right now.

Pressured, because of how good the others was.
Pain, again, because I can't be as they could be.

Having a smile in my face, is that really a real smile?
Saying it's okay from my mouth, seriously?

For who, and for what?
For myself, or for the other?
Why lie? Why can't I just be straight?
Why couldn't this path be straight? Why life?

===

我想要你来，但我又不想你来。(To my dear miss A)
我想要你陪，但我又想要在我的世界里。(To my dear mister B)
我想要和你在一起，但我又不想麻烦你。(To my dearest C)

人啊，真是个矛盾啊。

Confused by my own words.
Hurt by my own feelings.
Can't even step on one right side.

And when you decided to do that, you regret for not choosing the other path.

Am I depressed?
Why should I be depressed?
Should I be happy?
But that's my treasure that I'm giving away!
For someone that I cared of, for someone that I truly loved.
How can I make this best for both worlds?

A, B, and C. And D, though you're not THAT important.
You three truly make me suffer enough for today.

A, oh A. My dear A. Why are you so kind and attractive?
B, oh B. My heart B. Why are you so skillful and kawaii?
C, oh C. My love C. Why are you so...... *sigh*
D, oh D. My cute D. Why are you so hard to keep?

I'm putting on a smiley face.
But behind those keyboards, I'm having a emotionless face.
And inside my heart, it's a painful face.

Sarcasm. I love sarcasm.
I love that a lot.
Because I can talk positive stuffs even though I'm having a negative heart.
Oh yes, I'm being sarcastic right now.
Don't mind me.
Mmhmm.

===

Didn't have enough preparation.
Didn't have enough time.

那只是借口。

The truth is: I'm scared.
Scared that I screwed it up even worse.
Scared that I failed even after all kinds of hard works.
Scared that I put in so much efforts but no one appreciates it.

"Please do critic on my xxx, I will appreciate it =3"
Yes, I do.
But in the same time, I'm afraid as well.

What happened if I sucked so badly that I didn't even know?
What happened if no one likes it at all?
What happened if I had no improvement at all?

That's why there's people that I don't dare to face.

===

Sigh.

I guess that's all from today's experiences.

And yesterday, of course.

So in conclusion:
I'm a n00b in love, relationship, and society.
End story.

(Wait, it doesn't make sense!!! =A=!!!)