愛、過去と現実。

Insert: 解脱 / Sad Rain / Love Letter /你是愛我的 / 平常心 / Should I Love Him?


I might be writing this in two languages...
Just for the fun of it...


= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =


Out of boredom, or just a sudden impulse,
I decided to write about the so-called history of my lovely lives.
They're nothing for me to be proud about,
Neither they're something for me to reminisce.


Just that...


I just can't deny the feeling of my heart that dwells on the past.
And the inability to move on from it.
Though, I tried, and I ignored all sorts of feelings that I had.
But then, I just can't deny them, at all.


= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =


已经有。。。两年了吧？
算算一下，好像也是呢。
那两年的时间，仿佛过得太快了。
而那两个礼拜的时间，仿佛像永远般的，徘徊着。


我们，真正有在一起过吗？
我们，真正有说过分手吗？
你说，你和我分手了。
我说，我们根本什么都没有说过，做过。


根本什么都不是。


虽然，我们有过一次的约会？算是吧。。。
嗯。。。。。。又好像不是。
嗯，有抱过 （算是吧？），有牵过手，
然后，也有去过你的家还有。。。
咳，详细就不说了。
虽然，我们都没接过吻就真的是。。。*sigh*


人们都说，初恋时最难忘的，最甜蜜的，最有遗憾的。
我说，如果你还是那一个人，可能这是真的。
如果，我能够坚持，你能够接受，可能一切都会有改变。


啊，如果啊如果，如果这世界有如果，那人们也不会有遗憾了吧。


不过，如果不是因为你，我也不会有所成长吧。
可能，我还会在另一个人的面前，死命的展现出自己那什么都没有的“才华”吧。
可能，我还会拼死名的粘住某些人。
嘛，虽然它不算是一个坏事，不过，你是唯一一个让我大开眼界的人。
还好你是我的初恋吧，让我能够更有毅力的下定一些决心。


不想继续了，没有希望了，就把他们丢掉了吧。
把爱剪成碎片让它随风去。


但是，也是因为你的存在，让我害怕了恋爱。
害怕希望，害怕伤害，害怕追求，害怕结局。
要不是某人忽然地问我，我可能也不会再次跌入这一个坑。


那时的日子是很开心，不过，回想起来是超苦涩的。
而且，那一段我自认最白痴愚蠢的做法，我以后是绝对不会再做了。
还真的是要好好的感谢你呢。


还有，今年四月的事情，我是绝对不会忘记的。
你虽然没想到我会有这么白痴，也没想到我的心情是怎样的。
没关系。
我以后也不会再这么白痴的跟着人家团团转。
多谢你，我才能够对人狠心一点。
多谢你，我才能够分辨是非与重要性。

Thanks to you, I can finally ignore a lot of stuffs that doesn't deem to be important to me.
Friendship? Relationship? Oh please.
Those are really nothing compare to myself.
If someone wants to die - go on, have fun in the other world.
Without you, nothing will change in my life.
If I have no one else to talk to, I can always talk to myself.
Then rage, and die, like everyone else.
Yeah, that's what you taught me in that lesson.


And you certainly taught me well.

所以说，如果人们问我为何忽然会这么的冷淡，冷血，
特别是四月之后，
我只会说我累了，就这么简单。
但是我绝对不会对他们说是因为你，教了我这件事。

If people ever noticed how much I secluded myself from people. Heh.


I guess you ARE that much of impact towards me.


PS: Thanks you to, you gave me enough inspirations to write like, what, 6 songs? Though neither of them really are down in the papers yet... Heh.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =


Of course, thanks to you, I met someone else as well...


Should this be something I shall be happy about?


Heh. To be honest, I doubt it.


And the worse thing that happened was that I really threw myself in.


= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =


Dear... (I can't believe I can still call you this. -sigh and facepalms-)

你是，我可以说，我用了最多心思的一个人。
我从来，从来，都没有亲手画。。。漫画？ 给一个人。
更何况是用了很多个版本/纸张 Draft, Sketch, Second Version, Sketch, Paper cutting, etc.
画了之后还录制一首歌给你，让你在夜晚可以睡得更好一些。
过后，还特地到你家去，强（？）吻了你。*咳*
之后，还买了花和蛋糕，放在你家门前，按铃后，走人。
想象一下，我真的不相信我做了这些人们都觉得很荒唐的事情。
然后我还（因）为你录制了自认最好听得一手自创曲。


你竟然不相信那是为了你的。


Seriously, what the FOOK.


你有这么不相信我是真的真的爱着你的吗？！


Fine, whatever.


反正从你身上得到的回忆，也算还蛮不错的了。
对一个对我根本没感觉的人来说，算真得很好了。
有笑过，有哭过，有抱过，有吻过。
算了吧。


虽然你一直再说着关于 “他” 的事情。


Funfact: Kou, does this remind you of anything? -smirks-

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =


I finished with the past, now let's come back to the present.


There's a reason that I couldn't fall in love with the current princess...
Datte, ouman no hime-sama ni nachatta.
Annan no hito ga zettai atashi no mon janeen dakara saa~ ¯\(－ ▽ －)/¯
And those disappointments? Yeap, they're just too much.


Off you go~ （╯°∀°）╯︵(>.∀.)> 


Then the most recent one...
I just CAN'T fall in love with that one, at all~ t(=3=)t
Reason is simple: No feelings from the other side, and I can't do anything about it.
So yeah.


Off me go. ┬──┬ ︵(>.Д.)>  


= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =


虽然埋怨（？）是蛮多的，不过，我真的没有后悔过。


虽然我是很希望回忆可以快点散去。*siiiigh...*

I Hate You.

Insert: Hate [by NIGHTMARE]


NOTE: They're not in orders on whom I hate, and they can be just anyone. If you think you're in my list, feel free to feel that way. I don't care.



I hate you. For letting me down.
I hate you. For the lack of logic and common sense.
I hate you. For not letting me to love you.
I hate you. For who you are.
I hate you. For being someone I'm not.
I hate you. Fo' Dos Stupid Unneeded Caps W/ Shortcuts Like Dis.
I hate you. For creating the stupid fashion that's not fashion at all.
I hate you. For giving me everything but not those important stuffs.
I hate you. For being a bad teacher.
I hate you. For being a bad friend.
I hate you. For you who sucks.
I hate you. For the lack of love for me.
I hate you. For raising me wrongly.
I hate you. For owing me money.
I hate you. For owing me your life.
I hate you. For I need to drive for you everyday.
I hate you. For disappointing me.
I hate you. For being someone that's not yourself anymore.
I hate you. For not being straightforward.
I hate you. For concealing yourself behind that mask.
I hate you. For being such a bitch.
I hate you. For the lack of plans.
I hate you. For the lack of timing.
I hate you. For not being punctual.
I hate you. For not following my rules.
I hate you. For smoking.
I hate you. For drunk and drive.
I hate you. For being an attention-whore.
I hate you. For sharing out stuffs even yourself is disgusted by it.
I hate you. For having such confidence even though you sucked.
I hate you. For being over-confidence though you sucked A LOT.
I hate you. For losing.
I hate you. For being not in this country.
I hate you. For you who's unreacheable.
I hate you. For not taking care of your own body.
I hate you. For being poor and still rather help the others than yourself.
I hate you. For no able to take good care of your own welfare.
I hate you. For creating MMORPG.
I hate you. For dragging into the world that I disliked.
I hate you. For creating something such disgusting and no one likes it.
I hate you. For making me unable to sleep.
I hate you. For being short.
I hate you. For making me a female instead of a male.
I hate you. For making me unable to love who I wanted to.
I hate you. For not giving me any chances.
I hate you. For you who gives me hope then crush it to pieces afterwards.
I hate you. For lying to me.
I hate you. For tricking me.
I hate you. For all those sweet memories you gave me.
I hate you. For those memories turned bitter.
I hate you. For not knowing my dislike for coffee.
I hate you. For not saying anything at all.
I hate you. For being such an attention-whore--- wait. I mentioned this just now. Whatever.
I hate you. For the lack of innovations and creativity.
I hate you. For the lack of common sense--- wait. I think I repeated this as well. Hmm.
I hate you. For how can you not know a way for business.
I hate you. For the inability of understanding accounts.
I hate you. For the inability to teach AT ALL.
I hate you. For not making any safety precautions and procedures which hurts people.
I hate you. For causing accidents and hurting the others thanks to your lil' careless mistake.
I hate you. For abandoning your child.
I hate you. For hurting the child.
I hate you. For I can be a better date.
I hate you. For the inability to give happiness to a love.
I hate you. For being self-centered.
I hate you. For your egoism.
I hate you. For being EMO.
I hate you. For being emo but not and you're just a freaking ATTENTION WHORE.
I hate you. For being so friggin' fake.
I hate you. For the lack of common sense--- WHY THERE'S SO MANY LACK OF THIS?!
I hate you. For being stupid and foolish.
I hate you. For trolling to destroy.
I hate you. For letting me feel guilty.
I hate you. For making this country worse than it was.
I hate you. For trying to make each other racist.
I hate you. For being discrimination at people.
I hate you. For creating lousy music.
I hate you. For the inablity to teach me.
I hate you. For you who's myself.
I hate you. For being lazy.
I hate you. For the lack of inspiration.
I hate you. For losing what you originally have.
I hate you. For losing your voice.
I hate you. For losing your mind.
I hate you. For losing your heart.
I hate you. For wearing a mask.



I hate you. And the list goes on and on.


And I hate you. For the sake of hating you.

Misunderstood / Stirring...

NOTE: Direct copy from my FB status.
Insert: 如果或可是 / 真的真的很爱你 [NOTE: Different songs :/ One sang by me, one wasn't]


‎"...you said you didn't believe this song is meant for you. By saying this, you're denying my love for you. You really thought that I'm still in love with my first love - but seriously, who doesn't? You did the same. But if your denial towards my love is really the reason why you just won't accept me, then fine.

It's already been months, and I really don't quite care much about this already.

I've brought you on a date, I've sang songs for you, recorded songs for you, drew a mini-comic/leaflet as your birthday card, brought you a rose, gave you a cake, hugged you, kissed you.......

...and they're still not enough to prove my feelings for you?

I grinned at the thought of that, bitterly. Especially of all that I've done for you. Oh well, if that's how you really think, then I really have nothing to say, my dear.

And as someone's suggestion, I should have just forget about you.

And I shouldn't have typed my blog out.

Yet, I dislike misunderstanding.

So, I typed them out.

Just to let you know - if there's fate, once again - and to let myself know, how stupid I am fall into the wrong hands again and again..."

~ Arcym, Misunderstood




= = = = = = = = = =


Some Little Things That's Not Typed Out:


All those aside, I have never regretted in any of these.
Since they're the once that helped me learning something new.
And I'm pretty sure even though I really still am in love with you,
You will never come back to me.

Unless someone proved me wrong - but that's highly impossible.

And so, I shall continue living.
Living on those days that I have, or never, met you.
Yet, I will still be reminded of those things that the both of us shared.
Which... I'm pretty much was annoyed about.


The stirring in my heart, I just couldn't stand it...


-sigh-


Oh well... Time to go.

真的真的很爱你

Insert: 真的真的很爱你 (by yours truly: Me - Akira Rei / Arcym)


Wow, I can't believe this...
I love my new template 8D
But it's rather hard to fast-post it in the Blog itself anymore :/
But it's pweeeetty DDDDDD8


= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =


So... I've uploaded this song, like, finally.
And, like, erm...
I don't really plan to let that idiot to listen to this so...
Hmmm.


I'mma just posting it up.


Oh, disclaimers: Guitar not by me, repitching not by me.
I only provide my own voices ;3
Guitar is done by Melissa Sasa and Repitching ish done by Kou.
And I fall in rabu with mahsewf 8DDD -shot-


PS: This is NOT the full version of the whole songs, there's still more instruments to come in. This is just a BETA version. ;3


The Link For The Song: http://www.box.net/shared/ahe6c0mx0sq395njnick

= 真的真的很爱你 Lyrics =

Verse 1:

我好想念和你 S M S 的快乐

我好想念和你西哈打闹的快乐

多么的开心，多么的幸福

就这么简单就能得到满足

我好想念和你手牵手的日子

我好想念和你互相调戏的日子

那一片蛋糕，那一杯红茶

就这么奇妙的变成了佳肴

Pre-Chorus 1:

但，欢乐的时光就是那么快结束的

被我的理性，被我的双手

是我先放弃了爱你的资格

让这一小段奇迹般的幸福结束了

Chorus 1:

但是我真的真的很爱你

爱到我控制不了自己的感情

不想掉入这个没结果的陷阱

却又一次一次被你的温柔所拉近

就因为我真的真的很爱你

爱到我遍体鳞伤还继续下去

刻意的避开你我持续不下去

就这样慢慢的被你的温柔所侵蚀

Verse 2:

从哪天开始我们不zai通话

从哪天开始我已经把你给隔离

但我删除不了你，删除不了回忆

一遍又一遍重复读着我们的过去

从哪天起我不再等着你的消息

从哪天起我不再拿起手机 S M S 你

那时的快乐，那时的伤心

我很想把全部关于你的忘记

Pre-Chorus 2:

但，我每次都下不了手，股不起勇气

这一段幸福，这一段感情

哪怕只是一片浪漫的幻影

它在我脑海里深刻地留下了痕迹

Chorus: 2

就因为我真的真的很爱你

爱到我遍体鳞伤还继续下去

不想掉入这个没结果的陷阱

却一次又一次的被你的温柔所拉近

但是我真的真的很爱你

爱到我控制不了自己的感情

刻意的避开你我持续不下去

就这样慢慢的被你的温柔所侵蚀

Bridge:

泪不停的落下  我处于地狱中  生不如死

就像伤口上撒了一堆盐   心被打碎   身体被疼痛所麻醉

好痛苦

Chorus 3:

我真的真的真的很爱你

爱到连我自己都快要窒息

它就只是个奇迹般的幻影

却逼真得让我堕入下去不能够回去

就我真的真的真的很爱你

爱到我控制不了自己的感情

明明很清楚这是没结果的骗局

最后还是欺骗了自己

就因为我真的真的爱着你

所以我才必须离开你

So... yeah, that's all for this post. ;3

Hope you guys enjoyed this =3

Or not 8D

Don't hit me if you don't DDDDDD8

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

It's been, well, a while...

I still don't regret about my decision.

But whenever I see that name popping up in my notification,

I would immediately went onto that post, and delete everything of mine.

Just because I don't want to be reminded anymore.

I've deleted almost everything and as much as I could.

But this song...

I guess, let this song be the only reminder, then.

Since, well, this is also a beautiful song.

I must thank someone for giving me such inspiration to make such a good song.

But I don't want to be reminded of that someone any longer.

Perhaps I'm not over yet,

Or perhaps I am.

Maybe...

Hmm.

Either way, I wanted to move on...

So don't come into my life anymore, thank you.

I'm out. |3

= = = = = = = = = = =

:: EDIT ::

Ohhell you said this song wasn't meant for you?!

Fine. SUITS YOURSELF.

If you really don't believe it, then don't.

Though I really dislike misunderstandings.

Just to tell you right here right now:

I have loooong moved on from my... I couldn't call that an ex. Let's see...

That princess, yes, I should call that B that.

I have no longer bear any feelings for the current Princess, you see?

The only thing that remain in my mind regarding that B,

Is only, and ONLY, the past Ice Mountain.

I will never be in love with a bitchy princess.

That's how I came to -coughlovecough- you and get rid of that feeling.

You just won't believe it, huh?

Oh it's okay.

I've done WHATEVER I could.

And also to heed someone's advice, I really shouldn't bother but STILL:

Until you FREAKING call me, I shall NEVER find you back!

I. Hate. Misunderstanding.

If you have anything, talk! Speak that shiz out!

Keeping in your FREAKING HEART doesn't make anything much better!

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF---

See? This is WHY I freaking hate you people. ARGH.

I don't care about it anymore. -storms gracefully walks out-