Differences......

Insert: Nee [originally by Hatsune Miku]

Difference about my… uhh… current and the previous someone…

1. I am able to recite the current REAL name for N times without feeling awkward about it… yet sweet and warm… Shoot. *hides face*
2. I am able to draw my current out and feel good about it. *proud~*
3. I can chat from morning until night with my current… even though it’s just SMS or whatsoever…
4. I am willing to spend times just to choose one song (not to mention trial and errors) and cover that song for my current someone…
5. I am actually willing to draw out a manga-like stuff for my current……………. Uhh, Kou should know about this. PX
6. I am willing to stay until midnight just to wait for my current… (unless I’m too tired, of course… though I still reply SMSes… Hmmm…)
7. I actually looked at my current’s picture before I sleep… Gosh. *hides face x2*
8. Of course I don’t look at my current’s pictures all the time--- well maybe, yes, but still… Uhh… Whatever. *hides face x3*
9. I am willing to spend times looking at clothes and thinking what should I buy for my current……
10. And I’m actually willing to D.I.Y. for that. *slaps head* Seriously, what am I thinking??? It’s so hard and I don’t know how to do them! Ugh…

Uhuh.
And those, were NEVER been done or felt with that previous someone.
Or rather, I never spend so many time and energy to do such things for that previous someone…
Though I did write songs and such but still… Hmmmmmm… It’s just… different.
I’m actually doing things that I’m NOT GOOD in… just to, perhaps… impress this current someone???

…
…
…
…
…
…

Okay, I’m certainly making a fool out of myself now.

Can somebody just kill me?

*is too embarassed*



However… This someone right now has another person occupied in the heart.
And… at the mean time, I can’t remove it.
Neither I can replace it.

Perhaps that’s why some times I just don’t know how to react towards the kindness that I felt.
Because, I knew that, this was not meant for me but for someone else…
Still……..



To That CURRENT Special Someone:

Replying to your question, I must say that you had splashed me a huge bucket of ICY COLD water.
Yes, I don’t feel hurt, but still…
You took down 50% of the fires that’s burning in me.

And that’s NOT GOOD.

Oddly, even after you did that…
I can still… hmm… Like what Kou said:
“You’re still willing to do so much for your dearest…”

Well, maybe not yet my dearest…
But I’m slowly accepting it.
Of course, the main reason of NOT accepting it was because that you’re still liking another person.

Yes, that’s the sole reason.

Not the fact that I don’t understand how I feel about you.

Though I was forcing myself to control it… and failed. *sigh*

And yes, your kindness is killing me.
Because I knew that you don’t love me…
But you’re still willing to do so many things for me…

(Off-Topic: Hey, that actually sounds like Kou’s case! 8DDDDD *shot*)

I thank you for that, yes, I really do.
And there IS a reason why I told you, initially, to tell me about how you feel AFTER your birthday.
Because… well, I might find this present doesn’t really suit this situation somehow.
But it’s okay, I guess I’ve improvised it somehow.

Now… To tell you something…
That I was either too embarassed or forgot to tell you…

1. When I first hear you talk about your past, you said they’re sweet memories. But to me… It’s as if that you’re actually hurting deeply from those sweet memories… That’s why I feel like going over to you to kiss you and to hug you. And… if I can, I wished to recreate those kind of memories with you, though… well, the roles are kind of different right now. I can’t never be the one that you loved the most of now and then. Still, I hoped to try… Hmmm…

2. When I slept over in your house the first day, you have NO IDEA how much that I don’t want to leave your bed… not just because I’m sleepy, but you’re at there with me. I really loved the way to teased me and hugged me, because… other than no one had done that before, I felt secure and fun about those things. Seriously, it’s like the best experience ever. Not even hugging Kou can get me this kind of secure. And… somehow, since that day onwards, I no longer think of too much fantasies in my brain (because I have nothing better to think of =w=) which hurts my brain and made me insomnia during the night time / whenever I’m sleepy. Yeap, thanks to you. <3

3. When I first called you, I’m VERY DISAPPOINTED that the freaking phone cut us off at exact point of one hour and thirty minutes. Seriously, WHAT?! *rolls eyes* I wasn’t expecting that, and DAMN I still have so much to talk to… *sigh* Oh well, at least we’re still able to talk after that… Hmmm… Oh, did I mentioned that I love your laughter? Even though the others might say that it’s too exaggerating/kua-cheong or whatsoever……… I actually liked it. And missed it…… HECK, I never liked anyone’s laughter before… What the hell?! *hides face*

4. When you decide to “discuss” about that 15 damn things I listed out… I am… laughing SOOO embarrassed that I’ve never felt this way. Oh my gosh, I still can’t believe that I actually wrote those stuffs and YOU’RE discussing about that. *hides face* Damn… This is so embarrassing…… Ugh. *shakes head furiously* Though… I really am wondering if you really wanted to do that freaking 15 things… (though you summarized it only as ONE single thing which is number 15… and makes me so much more embarassed about it… =///= )

5. When you said that you’d do anything for me to prevent myself having any regrets… I really am happy, and felt bitter about it. Happy, because you’re actually willing to do so. Bitter, is because you did it not because you love me. *siiigh* And I kinda felt guilty about it, because… well… yeah… Hmmm…… You can help me out but I can’t………………. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm……………………….

6. When I heard that you’re with other people, to be honest……………. I’m jealous, yes. That’s why I start to SMS you weird stuffs and talk so… uhh… formal. And I actually didn’t expect you to call me not to NOT choi you and… well… apologize. Yeah. It makes my heart melt, seriously. <3 Ahh… best memory of that day <3<3<3

I… guess… that’s… all? Owo

Now…

Let me find a hole and dig into it. =///=