Insert: On My Own / Turning Tables / Get It Right [GLEE]
I love you K-On.
So much that I need to create a blog post just to talk about how much I love you.
I love your humors, I love your songs, I love your characters.
Yet again, it was because of all of these I hate you.
There's no such humor happening around me right now,
There's no such skill within me that I can hit those songs with perfection,
There's no such humans with the exact characteristics that I wanted beside me.
However, K-On, you're the only joy that makes me love what I loved right now,
All the humors, the joy of music, and hanging out with my dear friends...
Sadly, they're not exactly like K-On...
...and that's of course, impossible, since Anime and Real Life never crossed.
= = = = = = = = = =
After watching the K-On!! Come With Me Live Concert mkv file...
...which, freaking lagged at most parts :\
I have the urge to re-download the whole friggin' thing once again... but that's not the point.
When I'm watching it, I feel so joyful and hyper regarding all that happened within,
And I'm touched by all those scenes that made me wanna cry -
They're performing as if it's their last time...
Even though they're playing a friggin' happy song, it made me wanna cry.
But of course, I kind of wanted to watch this with Kou,
Therefore I only clicked on the center to check...manatau, hahaha. =v=;;;
Ending up watching almost the whole later half... OTL|||
But I haven't watched the beginning yet, and the lags in within really bugged me. =x=
How dare they lagged on Death Devil's part?! DDDDDD<
*cough* Anyway, I loved so far how much I watched it...
And the full thing is like, almost four HOURS. D8!!!
It'll take me a friggin' long time to finish it... hmm.
"On my own, pretending you're beside me..."
Main point: When I finished it...
After the long while of hyperness and joys that I got from this video...
I'm, depressed.
On how much it is different from real life...
There will never be people be bonded as much as they do.
We might be so friendly and our relationship is tight, right now...
But after some while, people would change and things happened.
Then, the bond will loosen.
And then, it'll snap.
And dead.
Our relationships be.
I would dare to say that I have no such a close friend beside me right now.
Friends in the college, friends in cosplay, friends in the past...
All of them were nothing but strangers, acquaintances.
Even if we're so close during one time, we'll just walk our path after that.
Everyone would walk their own path.
Everyone has their own ideals.
Everyone has their own future worlds.
No one would be the same as you are.
And you will meet new people, continue finding your place in this earth you called home...
...or hoped to call home.
And so, everyone is alone, despite how many friends they called or how many family they had.
Nothing will ever let you feel you have someone beside you.
Nothing.
Because they will still leave you, someday in the future.
No one will get such a luck and chances like those characters in K-On...
Best friends since they're young, meet new people during highschool,
Studying in the same college after everyone graduated...
Even though their ideals are different...
Who, can achieve such bond?
In this world we called "Real Life"?
I'd say - nobody.
= = = = = = = = = =
From my own past...
During primary school, I've known and forgotten a lot of people,
Because my class is always changing.
1U, 2G, 3C, 4C, 5R, 6R.
Two years, for a kid, can never be enough for true friendship to bloom and bond.
The most we can be, are good friends, but mostly we're just acquaintance.
If I really need to name one, it'll be Tako.
Even until now, we still... kind of talk with each other.
Still, there's so much we lost and missed.
Then, middle school.
1B, 2C, 3C, 4E1, 5E1.
Thanks to the trait I carried from my primary school, I'm assigned to a "special seat".
I'm not changing, and those that changes were only the people sitting beside me.
Whom I gained as a best friend, throughout these years?
1B? None. 2C? None. 3C? Not really.
Then, there's 4E1.
It's a whole new class. Faces that I knew and don't.
But then, those were the faces I would face for two consecutive years.
I started to learn about them, yet, they weren't anyone that I can call close friends.
Not at all.
After 16 years, there's still none.
Even when I joined the Drama Team, it's somehow for fun to me.
Well, I must say, I had fun, but I'm not really that serious.
Because I have no real roles in the team.
I'm just a person who made those Special Effects.
Nothing much. :\
Then, Form Five...
I met people, formed a Japanese Club.
One of them is Kou, and he remained as my first ever best friend up 'till now.
The other? *smirks* To be honest, I don't know what should I call that right now.
Too much disappointments. I'd say.
And I thought that it'll be back to the past - that's what she hoped for.
But then, it'll be impossible, since things had changed.
There's nothing that I can do to revert myself to the past and face her the same way as I did in Form Five.
I don't even hope for the change to happen, too.
Even wishing on the shooting star doesn't make it happen.
For two years I've been waiting, yet nothing happened.
It's okay. I've gave up on that.
Oh, and the owl? It serves no purpose right now.
And it's cheap anyway - RM10. Yeah.
I might have thrown it away if it wasn't because of its beauty.
"God knows what I'm fighting for..."
Kou?
He did not change from how I knew him since the beginning -
As depressing as always.
Nothing can cure its depressions.
Not even a loving man or a caring woman can cure this sickness of his.
Forever and unending.
Proud to say this bad thing: I gave up on that as well.
Oh yes, I gave up in a lot of stuffs.
Let's see...
I gave up on playing the piano.
I gave up on getting as slim as an athlete.
I gave up on cosplay like the pros could.
I gave up on hoping my family would leave me alone.
I gave up on miracles in group works.
I gave up on a lot of people - love-interest, friends, and comrades related.
I gave up on finding love.
I gave up on becoming a good drummer.
I gave up on singing professionally.
I gave up on RP-ing... then came back because I missed it.
I gave up on becoming a better person.
The only thing that I couldn't give up on is to continue living, and continue dreaming.
"What can you do when your good isn't good enough,
All that you touch tumbles down?"
= = = = = = = = = =
Playing games is just a way to escape from real life.
Because in games, you can start all over again.
Because in games, there's walkthrough and guides.
Because in games, there's something call "quit game" or "game over".
If only life is so simple and so easy...
If only we can quit the game whenever we're tired with it...
If only...
= = = = = = = = = =
It's been a while since I typed my blog...
I'm surprised at how much depression I had in my life,
Yet I don't look like one that face depression.
And I certainly don't sound like that in my blog as well. *smirks*
Why, of course, I had nothing towards depression.
And they... aren't really depressions.
Or rather, I'm just trying to turn them into depression, or turn depression into something lighter.
Ah, well, who would care much about this anyway? *shrugs*
After all, even though one's in love with you, they wouldn't go and know you thoroughly inside out.
They have something better to bother about, anyway. *grins*
Don't you, my dear readers? ;3
