NOTE: This is a letter towards an important person... and it's too golden so I must write it down 8'D
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From here onwards, I am going to make my own statements. This is purely based on how personally felt about everything, how I perceive from my own point of view. It might insult you, it might make you feel like shit and helpless, or just depressed because the whole world seemed to not understand you.
First, let me state your importance to me. From the level of smoke to ramen you're the ramen for obvious reason. But, you probably won't understand this because I don't think you deem any friends as important. Of course, you will not reject them, because you're being too kind, and you will just rant and complain about everything right after it. Can, why not? The issue on this matter is, I will be the one that is protective of you and will not complain about shits even after you did something disappointing to me. When I did, it means that I have received more disappointments than what I can accept, and I know you can do it but you chose not to and give no reasons, and you still show me a face as if I am the one who dragged you down to hell. If I really am at fault, then fine, you have your justification. But most of the time, you WERE willing to do it, and then you just think everything is troublesome. If you don't want just said so lah! Very hard meh? I can disappoint for a while then try to understand why, but most of the time, you chose to stick to the end with a super bitter face as if you're playing something you don't like, don't want, and cannot do at all, and I forced you to do it. I'm not sure if you remembered, but I am actually talking about the "Senbonzakura" thing, which is like 1 or 2 years ago, when you have MBE. I remembered it, and I still never managed to understand WHY. Why lah, kamu ni bitter face? Why lah don't tell me? Why lah mau memalukan sendiri pun tak nak buatkan terbaik that you can actually do it? Why? I guess I will never know.
Now, I never once minded that you rant to me. It is fine to rant, it is fine to complain, but when you talk as if I am part of those humans and I mean nothing to you, I am not fine with it. You say you want to disappear - fine, but what about those that cared and needs you? See, this is the problem with me. I understand the reason behind your wish to disappear, and it was awkward to admit that I do not want you to do so because you're like one of those that I can talk with, but I decided that supporting you will is more important. So I kept my silence, and I let you go. Somehow I even wished that we're just mere strangers so that hearing these from you will be less painful.
There are just so, so many things that I did not dare to tell you, because it's awkward, and none of us seemed to want to resolve. I don't know what is the best time to talk to you, and every time I wanted to say, I can't go on. Funniest thing is, you want people to be straightforward to you, I want the same too, but your straightforwardness includes turning around the big circle and beating around the bush. I did that when I really don't want to talk about it, yes, I'm at my own fault too. Perhaps you're the same, but we both just can't be straightforward with each other for our own reasons. Too bad.
By saying "Sorry for ranting yesterday, I will not rant to you anymore" simply means that you don't understand what my post meant. Alright, lemme tell you then. The whole situation of you ranting, finish rant/resolved, then proceed to go and have fun with someone else... to me, sounds like "Finish throw rubbish, go and play with someone more important". You treated me as a stranger, a... place to juuust throw your shits into, and you just walk away. Wow, how convenient that sounds, right? Too bad, I guess you may not feel that, because... as you self-pitied, and said it yourself, you're a cruel, self-centered, fishmonger. You will never understand how important people can be, if you compare them to animals and pets, right? Yes, you will nod your head to this. That's how I thought, too.
Up until this point, I wonder how much have you lost your focus and wished that you don't need to deal with my craps anymore. Oops, I forgot that this may be throw away from the start too. Too many words for you? Too luansui for you? I think so too. But hey, my anger has not died. I'm continuing this for my sake man!
Oh yeah, I actually haven't finish yet. And you asked me to scold you right? Well I shall continue. You say everyone is fake? Congratulations! You are not fake! Oh, and I need to congratulate myself being the fakest, because right, I am there helping you out and listening to your rants and always care about you and I really should get Oscar for being your best, fake friend, right? All my love for you are fake, all those efforts are fake, all those opinions are fake, right? Yeah. Actually hor I change your song punye melody because I think it sounded better that way, and I give you credits because, you know, best friends ma, right? I am totally not sorry about it you know? So many people praise me singing very good one you know? Because hor I tell you opinions you think fake ma, I am wrong ma, then ok lor. I sendiri tweak lor. Now that I know I'm a fake friend and don't need to pretend anymore, I can take some credits, right? Oh, and, all those car fares, pay me back oh~ 3 years I drive you around leh~ You think other people got ah? No! Only fake friends do one. Fake 到底嘛~ Yeah, think about it I did nothing much hor? Summore I ask you out and force you to go somewhere with me right? Ok lah, then dunnid pay lah. Everything you sudah pay. Aiya, but my kimochi you no pay me leh. Those happiness, sadness, anger, and worries... ei? No need pay ah. Cuz they all fake, kan? Yalor. Then dunnid la. Eh but all those gossips those information very important leh. Need to calculate. Thank god you told me something too, otherwise hard to count lor~
Woah. I really can become Oscar actress weih. I can cry anytime LOL! Aiya, you see? Fake dao I forgot to marah you liao. Aiyo dunnid one la, everyone else help me marah ma, kan? You say so de ma~ Best revenge, right?
I have no idea what went into your mind, but I can say that I do NOT deserve this treatment. But of course, you dunnid to give. You know why? Because it's my own choice ma~ I have been forcing myself onto you, right? Aiya, tell me lah you hate me from the bottom of your heart. You also treat me very nice leh. Wait. Wah! You fake queen leh like that! Woohoo! But seriously, tell me lah you don't like me, tell me lah you want to get away from me. Like what you say kan? Want betray, betray kaw kaw. Let me one-shot no hope of even deeming you as a friend ma... Aiya, I forgot again. I fake aje ma, hor? Why so serious leh? Hahahahaha
Now that I reveal I fake friend, suddenly everything I want to say not important liao. All those I write ah? Fake de lah. You think I feel so much? I fake friend leh! Hahaha!
Eh, I tell you, next time bring your dogs around. They are the most loyal, won't betray you, and help you bite those that betrays you. Like me ah, and the rest of the people ah... aiya, you know de lah! Always trust only on dogs, only play with dogs. Humans not important one, right? Ei, like that hor, don't go Japan also! Cannot be trusted one. Aiya, don't work also lah. Boss cannot understand you, and you cannot work with people. Stay at home leh? Got robbers then how? Move to mountain lor.
Yeap, just like in your dreams.
Be away from the world, be forever alone.
Ei, don't complain ok? I try to make you not alone many times oh. You didn't want de oh. Then people move in you baru happy cuz got someone you can deem more important... THEN YOU GOT BETRAYED! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-
What. You kid ah? You 1st time ah?
Grow up lah, my god.
Me? I gave up, dunnid to grow up one!
I got money ma, scare what? Scare people like you lor! Texting and calling dunnid money ah? Why I waste? Aiya fake friends ma~ Need to invest leh! You macam jade. If I can make you polished you tau how how much I can earn back or not? Too bad leh, now fake friends, cannot see you grow cannot polish you liao. Need to hand you to another person. Want to wait for you and together shine at Japan also cannot liao. Bobian lor~ You worry about being bullied? Nah, got fake friends around you, they will all smile at you and help you de. You so talented, people don't want you they stupid lah! Got gold dunwan? Macam ni de lor. You so good then everyone wants a piece of you de lor~ Wanna complain? Too bad, this door kena lock by you liao. You say de ma~ Fake friends la, and they
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Fake friends la, cannot trust, you deal with your own problems la... Good! Your problems macam mountain you know how many I need to deal with them? And what do I get? You walk off for more important people lor~
Tch. 浪费我时间、体力、金钱。
到最后都不被你重视。Cheh.
Haiya. Write too long liao. You still reading kah? I kind of hope that you just give up though. Cuz I don't know if you will understand what I'm trying to say here.
But anyway, thanks for reading and stay with me for 3 years (wow!). You self-pity bastard that kept on belittling your own talents and give up on everything that you actually can be good at; You coward who can't speak up your mind; You fishmonger who will think only the world is bad at you but you are not causing other people's misery... But wait. What if... you ARE the victim?
Sucks to be you then~
Go back to your home lah~ Geez. Come out for what? Complain and make no changes. Cheh.
