Insert: Nandemo Ii AMG 2015 Playlist
For the first time in forever, I waltzed into AMG without buying a ticket, and without the worry of a ticket. Why?
Because, I have this thing called... "Performer's Pass".
It's a very awesome thing, this pass is, because it lets me waltz in and waltz out without causing any suspicion- I mean, I can just do that without thinking.
But it's funny to just do that, and I can't help but smiling stupidly when I did that... it actually felt VERY rule-breaking to do that XD
Anyway, this pass is awesome, and... how did I get it?
1. I joined AMG Idol 2015 and got into the prelims.
2. I joined AMG Stage Performance 2015 as the Lead Singer for Nandemo Ii.
Both are great experiences, and I thank god for the people that I met to help me get through the worst that has happened for this whole freaking month.
Thank god it ended satisfactory. I will never forget this.
= = = = = =
I started this month with... depression? Odd, right? How one like me can even get "depression"... well of course I didn't really "GET" depression, like, the mental sickness but I really did felt awfully depressed.
My composition was altered - a heck load. I hated it. I hated the person who altered my stuff into a piece of junk. I hated how we couldn't take that song off the chart. I hated how I have to listen to my own baby that's being altered into an ugly mutant. I hated it.
I had a... very bad... band experience. The rest of the people are fine but it's just that OOOOOOOOOONE person. Sigh. It's the hardest for everyone to pull that through. I slammed the door but actually I didn't mean to, I'm so sorry .w. (Honestly I just wanted to go to the toilet 8'D)
Actually I'm a bit too satisfied right now to even remember what kind of shits happened... these two are the most devastating issue to me. So anyway, enough of this and let's go on to APPRECIATION TIME!!!
= = = = = =
1. Huimin
If it's not because of you, I probably can't go through these whole thing. So I have to thank you for being there to listen to all my rants and get through those issues with me. I will miss you damn load when you intern ;v; You should really get married to your ba- *dragged away*
2. Kaye
You. Woman. Please take care of yourself okei? D< I know you very geng but don't lah go and grab every single job in the world and leave yourself like what little time to rest- wait, isn't this supposed to be appreciation- Well I appreciate you I guess that's why I'm complaining to you- *dragged away*
3. Sam
Mah leader. =w=)7 Respects to you for being able to handle everything. You geng. You're a bit too kind sometimes, though... but that aside, I respect you the most, for knowing everyone's part and stuffs but plsknowyourownpar- *shot*
4. Eva
You improved a lot. I have great respects to you. Please continue drumming. 0v0)b Perhaps in 1 year, you will be better than me... and I wish to see that day to happen >v<)bbb
5. Evie
You're a great person. Please don't stop to be great, and please continue to practice that guitar of yours. You can be better than everyone else if you're given more time to do so. 0v0)/
6. Soyan
I'm so so so so so damn sorry for leaving you aside like that for the first day. >A< I seriously didn't thought of that and I just got too excited to want to get to know everybody in AMG Idol... so sorry >A< I'll make it up for you >A<)/ Thank you for holding mah bag and stuffs and listen to rants and stuffs ;A;
7. Amelia
Thank you for... well, everything, actually. Somehow you pampered me a lot 8'D Your efforts weren't paid off in the end and I'm actually quite pissed :/ Like, why lah sound system? Yeesh. I feel so bad for you. Butanikudon though, that one's damn awesome. Let's go there again- *dragged away* PS: I gotta belanja you gurl >A<
8. Junnie
You missed my performance I missed your performance - now we're equal- *shot for million times* I-I mean, *cough* thanks for the million suggestions and advices that you bagi >v<)/ And you're there to listen to me at THAT particular moment... so thank you for the supports you bagi ;v;
9. The MCs - Shaun and Dante
Thank you so so so much for helping us and giving us supports and encouragements. I know it's been hard to deal with both sides, so thank you very much for giving the best to our band >v<)/ I love you guys, and please stay awesome and.......Punny- *shot*
10. The Crowds/Awesome Audiences
Holyshit- Thank you. THANK YOU SO MUCH AMG CROWDS. You gaiz super supportive and responsive to EVERYONE on stage. I love you guys - the best crowds/audiences EVER! Honestly, that's what kept the performers on the stage to keep going. You gaiz memang good ;v;)bbb I feel so sorry for all the shoutings and yellings and, erm, bad sound system going on... but you guys STAYED. So thank you, thank you SO MUCH! <3
>>> Especially the glowstick peeps. You guys are AWESOME! Please come again >v<)/
11. This NanoFate Doujin Artist
OMG OMG OMG I SAW YOUR WORKS ONLINE. I DIDN'T KNOW. I BUY LIAO BARU KNOW. I love your art, please continue to draw more. ;v;)b It's damn heartwarming... and I wish I can at least get your name orz Why lah your doujin book takda nama @w@ Please put your nama next time >A<
12. AMG Idol Performers
Everyone of you are great people. I enjoyed ALL your performances... I just hoped that the sound system is better and can accommodate all of your needs to perform at your best >A< Stay strong everyone! We shall go out and yumcha together, VERY soon! >v<)/
13. Judges
Without the judges, I can't get this performer pass- *shot* So I have to thank them for giving me a chance on stage to show my passion of music towards the crowds ;v;)b Thank you judges! (I dunno who judged the stage performers, but thank you ALL <3)
14. Coco Bear
Special number for you just because ;D)b Anyway, thanks for your continual supports >v<)/ (I MISS YOUR FOOD OMG-)
15. AMG Doujin Artists / Booth Peoples (I dunno what to call you gaiz sorry orz)
Yes, all the doujin artists out there... please stay awesome and continue to create great arts! I LOVE all your arts! The stickers are DAMN kawaii, the books are DAMN funny... I wish I can buy from you all every year- *dragged away*
16. Mah Yuri Kazoku
Nope, not speaking of names. You know, I know - sudah. Because. Just because. I love you all. <3
17. Everyone that came to support us
I love you all. Thank you. I sucked a whole lot, and I'm very gomen, but still... thank you. Thank you all. <3
18. Raijin
YOU GAIZ ARE AWESOME PLEASE CONTINUE MAKE MUSIC <3<3<3
19. Everyone Who Beared With Me / Like Me
Sorry for my temper. Sorry for my voice. Thank you for liking me and I will do better next time =w=)/
20. All The Food I Makan
Honestly when you see this you'd think that I ran out of things to appreciate... the thing is, I always DO appreciate my food. I'm sorry for all the wasted food. I'm sorry for all the killings that have to be done to become my food. I did my best to finish my food and not waste them but sometimes I just couldn't... so I'm sorry for the wasted food and thank you chefs and foods and sacrifices to became good food to empower me and keep me going ;v;
Last but not least......
21. Sausage and Ribshack
Seriously, I thank this place a WHOLE LOT. Without this place, I can't drag my friends over for a good meal and talk about all our problems without having the fear of people listening to us ;v; I love their makanan and drinks (ZOMG PEAR CIDER <3 I hope they restock on GAYMERS soon ;v; ) and I'll bring all mah HOMIES to sini kalao ada chansu. Every Tuesdays is MEAT AND RICE YO!!! <3
= = = = = =
Thank you everyone. This is Rei, and I love you all.
There's still something worth to live for <3
Monday, August 31, 2015
Thursday, May 7, 2015
Written Before My Grad...
NOTE: This is a letter towards an important person... and it's too golden so I must write it down 8'D
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
From here onwards, I am going to make my own statements. This is purely based on how personally felt about everything, how I perceive from my own point of view. It might insult you, it might make you feel like shit and helpless, or just depressed because the whole world seemed to not understand you.
First, let me state your importance to me. From the level of smoke to ramen you're the ramen for obvious reason. But, you probably won't understand this because I don't think you deem any friends as important. Of course, you will not reject them, because you're being too kind, and you will just rant and complain about everything right after it. Can, why not? The issue on this matter is, I will be the one that is protective of you and will not complain about shits even after you did something disappointing to me. When I did, it means that I have received more disappointments than what I can accept, and I know you can do it but you chose not to and give no reasons, and you still show me a face as if I am the one who dragged you down to hell. If I really am at fault, then fine, you have your justification. But most of the time, you WERE willing to do it, and then you just think everything is troublesome. If you don't want just said so lah! Very hard meh? I can disappoint for a while then try to understand why, but most of the time, you chose to stick to the end with a super bitter face as if you're playing something you don't like, don't want, and cannot do at all, and I forced you to do it. I'm not sure if you remembered, but I am actually talking about the "Senbonzakura" thing, which is like 1 or 2 years ago, when you have MBE. I remembered it, and I still never managed to understand WHY. Why lah, kamu ni bitter face? Why lah don't tell me? Why lah mau memalukan sendiri pun tak nak buatkan terbaik that you can actually do it? Why? I guess I will never know.
Now, I never once minded that you rant to me. It is fine to rant, it is fine to complain, but when you talk as if I am part of those humans and I mean nothing to you, I am not fine with it. You say you want to disappear - fine, but what about those that cared and needs you? See, this is the problem with me. I understand the reason behind your wish to disappear, and it was awkward to admit that I do not want you to do so because you're like one of those that I can talk with, but I decided that supporting you will is more important. So I kept my silence, and I let you go. Somehow I even wished that we're just mere strangers so that hearing these from you will be less painful.
There are just so, so many things that I did not dare to tell you, because it's awkward, and none of us seemed to want to resolve. I don't know what is the best time to talk to you, and every time I wanted to say, I can't go on. Funniest thing is, you want people to be straightforward to you, I want the same too, but your straightforwardness includes turning around the big circle and beating around the bush. I did that when I really don't want to talk about it, yes, I'm at my own fault too. Perhaps you're the same, but we both just can't be straightforward with each other for our own reasons. Too bad.
By saying "Sorry for ranting yesterday, I will not rant to you anymore" simply means that you don't understand what my post meant. Alright, lemme tell you then. The whole situation of you ranting, finish rant/resolved, then proceed to go and have fun with someone else... to me, sounds like "Finish throw rubbish, go and play with someone more important". You treated me as a stranger, a... place to juuust throw your shits into, and you just walk away. Wow, how convenient that sounds, right? Too bad, I guess you may not feel that, because... as you self-pitied, and said it yourself, you're a cruel, self-centered, fishmonger. You will never understand how important people can be, if you compare them to animals and pets, right? Yes, you will nod your head to this. That's how I thought, too.
Up until this point, I wonder how much have you lost your focus and wished that you don't need to deal with my craps anymore. Oops, I forgot that this may be throw away from the start too. Too many words for you? Too luansui for you? I think so too. But hey, my anger has not died. I'm continuing this for my sake man!
Oh yeah, I actually haven't finish yet. And you asked me to scold you right? Well I shall continue. You say everyone is fake? Congratulations! You are not fake! Oh, and I need to congratulate myself being the fakest, because right, I am there helping you out and listening to your rants and always care about you and I really should get Oscar for being your best, fake friend, right? All my love for you are fake, all those efforts are fake, all those opinions are fake, right? Yeah. Actually hor I change your song punye melody because I think it sounded better that way, and I give you credits because, you know, best friends ma, right? I am totally not sorry about it you know? So many people praise me singing very good one you know? Because hor I tell you opinions you think fake ma, I am wrong ma, then ok lor. I sendiri tweak lor. Now that I know I'm a fake friend and don't need to pretend anymore, I can take some credits, right? Oh, and, all those car fares, pay me back oh~ 3 years I drive you around leh~ You think other people got ah? No! Only fake friends do one. Fake 到底嘛~ Yeah, think about it I did nothing much hor? Summore I ask you out and force you to go somewhere with me right? Ok lah, then dunnid pay lah. Everything you sudah pay. Aiya, but my kimochi you no pay me leh. Those happiness, sadness, anger, and worries... ei? No need pay ah. Cuz they all fake, kan? Yalor. Then dunnid la. Eh but all those gossips those information very important leh. Need to calculate. Thank god you told me something too, otherwise hard to count lor~
Woah. I really can become Oscar actress weih. I can cry anytime LOL! Aiya, you see? Fake dao I forgot to marah you liao. Aiyo dunnid one la, everyone else help me marah ma, kan? You say so de ma~ Best revenge, right?
I have no idea what went into your mind, but I can say that I do NOT deserve this treatment. But of course, you dunnid to give. You know why? Because it's my own choice ma~ I have been forcing myself onto you, right? Aiya, tell me lah you hate me from the bottom of your heart. You also treat me very nice leh. Wait. Wah! You fake queen leh like that! Woohoo! But seriously, tell me lah you don't like me, tell me lah you want to get away from me. Like what you say kan? Want betray, betray kaw kaw. Let me one-shot no hope of even deeming you as a friend ma... Aiya, I forgot again. I fake aje ma, hor? Why so serious leh? Hahahahaha
Now that I reveal I fake friend, suddenly everything I want to say not important liao. All those I write ah? Fake de lah. You think I feel so much? I fake friend leh! Hahaha!
Eh, I tell you, next time bring your dogs around. They are the most loyal, won't betray you, and help you bite those that betrays you. Like me ah, and the rest of the people ah... aiya, you know de lah! Always trust only on dogs, only play with dogs. Humans not important one, right? Ei, like that hor, don't go Japan also! Cannot be trusted one. Aiya, don't work also lah. Boss cannot understand you, and you cannot work with people. Stay at home leh? Got robbers then how? Move to mountain lor.
Yeap, just like in your dreams.
Be away from the world, be forever alone.
Ei, don't complain ok? I try to make you not alone many times oh. You didn't want de oh. Then people move in you baru happy cuz got someone you can deem more important... THEN YOU GOT BETRAYED! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-
What. You kid ah? You 1st time ah?
Grow up lah, my god.
Me? I gave up, dunnid to grow up one!
I got money ma, scare what? Scare people like you lor! Texting and calling dunnid money ah? Why I waste? Aiya fake friends ma~ Need to invest leh! You macam jade. If I can make you polished you tau how how much I can earn back or not? Too bad leh, now fake friends, cannot see you grow cannot polish you liao. Need to hand you to another person. Want to wait for you and together shine at Japan also cannot liao. Bobian lor~ You worry about being bullied? Nah, got fake friends around you, they will all smile at you and help you de. You so talented, people don't want you they stupid lah! Got gold dunwan? Macam ni de lor. You so good then everyone wants a piece of you de lor~ Wanna complain? Too bad, this door kena lock by you liao. You say de ma~ Fake friends la, and they
= = = = = = ONE PAPER GONE MISSING I DUNNO WHAT ELSE I WRITE = = = = = =
= = = = = = SO I CHANGE = = = = = =
Fake friends la, cannot trust, you deal with your own problems la... Good! Your problems macam mountain you know how many I need to deal with them? And what do I get? You walk off for more important people lor~
Tch. 浪费我时间、体力、金钱。
到最后都不被你重视。Cheh.
Haiya. Write too long liao. You still reading kah? I kind of hope that you just give up though. Cuz I don't know if you will understand what I'm trying to say here.
But anyway, thanks for reading and stay with me for 3 years (wow!). You self-pity bastard that kept on belittling your own talents and give up on everything that you actually can be good at; You coward who can't speak up your mind; You fishmonger who will think only the world is bad at you but you are not causing other people's misery... But wait. What if... you ARE the victim?
Sucks to be you then~
Go back to your home lah~ Geez. Come out for what? Complain and make no changes. Cheh.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
From here onwards, I am going to make my own statements. This is purely based on how personally felt about everything, how I perceive from my own point of view. It might insult you, it might make you feel like shit and helpless, or just depressed because the whole world seemed to not understand you.
First, let me state your importance to me. From the level of smoke to ramen you're the ramen for obvious reason. But, you probably won't understand this because I don't think you deem any friends as important. Of course, you will not reject them, because you're being too kind, and you will just rant and complain about everything right after it. Can, why not? The issue on this matter is, I will be the one that is protective of you and will not complain about shits even after you did something disappointing to me. When I did, it means that I have received more disappointments than what I can accept, and I know you can do it but you chose not to and give no reasons, and you still show me a face as if I am the one who dragged you down to hell. If I really am at fault, then fine, you have your justification. But most of the time, you WERE willing to do it, and then you just think everything is troublesome. If you don't want just said so lah! Very hard meh? I can disappoint for a while then try to understand why, but most of the time, you chose to stick to the end with a super bitter face as if you're playing something you don't like, don't want, and cannot do at all, and I forced you to do it. I'm not sure if you remembered, but I am actually talking about the "Senbonzakura" thing, which is like 1 or 2 years ago, when you have MBE. I remembered it, and I still never managed to understand WHY. Why lah, kamu ni bitter face? Why lah don't tell me? Why lah mau memalukan sendiri pun tak nak buatkan terbaik that you can actually do it? Why? I guess I will never know.
Now, I never once minded that you rant to me. It is fine to rant, it is fine to complain, but when you talk as if I am part of those humans and I mean nothing to you, I am not fine with it. You say you want to disappear - fine, but what about those that cared and needs you? See, this is the problem with me. I understand the reason behind your wish to disappear, and it was awkward to admit that I do not want you to do so because you're like one of those that I can talk with, but I decided that supporting you will is more important. So I kept my silence, and I let you go. Somehow I even wished that we're just mere strangers so that hearing these from you will be less painful.
There are just so, so many things that I did not dare to tell you, because it's awkward, and none of us seemed to want to resolve. I don't know what is the best time to talk to you, and every time I wanted to say, I can't go on. Funniest thing is, you want people to be straightforward to you, I want the same too, but your straightforwardness includes turning around the big circle and beating around the bush. I did that when I really don't want to talk about it, yes, I'm at my own fault too. Perhaps you're the same, but we both just can't be straightforward with each other for our own reasons. Too bad.
By saying "Sorry for ranting yesterday, I will not rant to you anymore" simply means that you don't understand what my post meant. Alright, lemme tell you then. The whole situation of you ranting, finish rant/resolved, then proceed to go and have fun with someone else... to me, sounds like "Finish throw rubbish, go and play with someone more important". You treated me as a stranger, a... place to juuust throw your shits into, and you just walk away. Wow, how convenient that sounds, right? Too bad, I guess you may not feel that, because... as you self-pitied, and said it yourself, you're a cruel, self-centered, fishmonger. You will never understand how important people can be, if you compare them to animals and pets, right? Yes, you will nod your head to this. That's how I thought, too.
Up until this point, I wonder how much have you lost your focus and wished that you don't need to deal with my craps anymore. Oops, I forgot that this may be throw away from the start too. Too many words for you? Too luansui for you? I think so too. But hey, my anger has not died. I'm continuing this for my sake man!
Oh yeah, I actually haven't finish yet. And you asked me to scold you right? Well I shall continue. You say everyone is fake? Congratulations! You are not fake! Oh, and I need to congratulate myself being the fakest, because right, I am there helping you out and listening to your rants and always care about you and I really should get Oscar for being your best, fake friend, right? All my love for you are fake, all those efforts are fake, all those opinions are fake, right? Yeah. Actually hor I change your song punye melody because I think it sounded better that way, and I give you credits because, you know, best friends ma, right? I am totally not sorry about it you know? So many people praise me singing very good one you know? Because hor I tell you opinions you think fake ma, I am wrong ma, then ok lor. I sendiri tweak lor. Now that I know I'm a fake friend and don't need to pretend anymore, I can take some credits, right? Oh, and, all those car fares, pay me back oh~ 3 years I drive you around leh~ You think other people got ah? No! Only fake friends do one. Fake 到底嘛~ Yeah, think about it I did nothing much hor? Summore I ask you out and force you to go somewhere with me right? Ok lah, then dunnid pay lah. Everything you sudah pay. Aiya, but my kimochi you no pay me leh. Those happiness, sadness, anger, and worries... ei? No need pay ah. Cuz they all fake, kan? Yalor. Then dunnid la. Eh but all those gossips those information very important leh. Need to calculate. Thank god you told me something too, otherwise hard to count lor~
Woah. I really can become Oscar actress weih. I can cry anytime LOL! Aiya, you see? Fake dao I forgot to marah you liao. Aiyo dunnid one la, everyone else help me marah ma, kan? You say so de ma~ Best revenge, right?
I have no idea what went into your mind, but I can say that I do NOT deserve this treatment. But of course, you dunnid to give. You know why? Because it's my own choice ma~ I have been forcing myself onto you, right? Aiya, tell me lah you hate me from the bottom of your heart. You also treat me very nice leh. Wait. Wah! You fake queen leh like that! Woohoo! But seriously, tell me lah you don't like me, tell me lah you want to get away from me. Like what you say kan? Want betray, betray kaw kaw. Let me one-shot no hope of even deeming you as a friend ma... Aiya, I forgot again. I fake aje ma, hor? Why so serious leh? Hahahahaha
Now that I reveal I fake friend, suddenly everything I want to say not important liao. All those I write ah? Fake de lah. You think I feel so much? I fake friend leh! Hahaha!
Eh, I tell you, next time bring your dogs around. They are the most loyal, won't betray you, and help you bite those that betrays you. Like me ah, and the rest of the people ah... aiya, you know de lah! Always trust only on dogs, only play with dogs. Humans not important one, right? Ei, like that hor, don't go Japan also! Cannot be trusted one. Aiya, don't work also lah. Boss cannot understand you, and you cannot work with people. Stay at home leh? Got robbers then how? Move to mountain lor.
Yeap, just like in your dreams.
Be away from the world, be forever alone.
Ei, don't complain ok? I try to make you not alone many times oh. You didn't want de oh. Then people move in you baru happy cuz got someone you can deem more important... THEN YOU GOT BETRAYED! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-
What. You kid ah? You 1st time ah?
Grow up lah, my god.
Me? I gave up, dunnid to grow up one!
I got money ma, scare what? Scare people like you lor! Texting and calling dunnid money ah? Why I waste? Aiya fake friends ma~ Need to invest leh! You macam jade. If I can make you polished you tau how how much I can earn back or not? Too bad leh, now fake friends, cannot see you grow cannot polish you liao. Need to hand you to another person. Want to wait for you and together shine at Japan also cannot liao. Bobian lor~ You worry about being bullied? Nah, got fake friends around you, they will all smile at you and help you de. You so talented, people don't want you they stupid lah! Got gold dunwan? Macam ni de lor. You so good then everyone wants a piece of you de lor~ Wanna complain? Too bad, this door kena lock by you liao. You say de ma~ Fake friends la, and they
= = = = = = ONE PAPER GONE MISSING I DUNNO WHAT ELSE I WRITE = = = = = =
= = = = = = SO I CHANGE = = = = = =
Fake friends la, cannot trust, you deal with your own problems la... Good! Your problems macam mountain you know how many I need to deal with them? And what do I get? You walk off for more important people lor~
Tch. 浪费我时间、体力、金钱。
到最后都不被你重视。Cheh.
Haiya. Write too long liao. You still reading kah? I kind of hope that you just give up though. Cuz I don't know if you will understand what I'm trying to say here.
But anyway, thanks for reading and stay with me for 3 years (wow!). You self-pity bastard that kept on belittling your own talents and give up on everything that you actually can be good at; You coward who can't speak up your mind; You fishmonger who will think only the world is bad at you but you are not causing other people's misery... But wait. What if... you ARE the victim?
Sucks to be you then~
Go back to your home lah~ Geez. Come out for what? Complain and make no changes. Cheh.
Monday, April 27, 2015
I Just Graduated!
Insert: My 5-Star Playlist of Greatness <3
Omedetou to myself 8'DDD
I dunno why I decided to write something here today buuuuuuuut here I am XD
Well, I have no ideas what to write here...
Or rather, how to really start...
Well.
Many, many things have happened.
I laughed. I cried. I'm hurt. I'd hurt. I rose. I fallen.
I...
Suddenly that one big obstacle just disappeared in my life and I don't really know what to do next.
People told me that I should rest, but what should I do while I'm resting?
How long should I rest?
I have been resting, and it's been quite a long while.
Well, at least, right now, I'm able to play, to have fun, and to enjoy my life and catch up with whatever that I couldn't before... which is a lie, 'cause, I CAN always enjoy them and do what I want to do at the same time. I procrastinated - even my own enjoyment. It was funny, even until now. It's not like I don't have the time, it's more like, I don't feel like doing it.
But one thing that I really want to do, and I didn't got the time to do, was to listen to songs.
New and old.
Good and bads... actually the bads can go one side but, I always have this thing about "potential songs" and how to make them better.
Hmm.
Maybe I can try rearranging them? 0w0
Yeah. I could add that to my list of things that I want to do. Kek.
= = =
Aside from that, what else I want to do?
A lot, actually, that it peaks at 11 major things that I wanna do - that I've been wanting to do.
Funny thing is, I don't know how to feel about gaming anymore.
Sure, leveling up my Disgaea characters have been a thing... but after 2 hours of doing the same thing? Nah. =v=
What about Dragon Nest? I shrugs, because I don't really feel like looking at the lagging screen and fighting... the same bosses. I can read up their plots in wikias too so... doesn't really matter to me anymore, about everything. One thing that I used to take enjoyment was about earning money. When it's NOT about earning money, I'm not quite sure what I really want to do in Dragon Nest. Quite odd, this is. :/
What about the rest of the games that I left behind? That I didn't get to finish them? Well, Mass Effect 2... I'm actually stuck at one of that super difficult mission that I just went and "nah, not gonna do this =v=;;;" I mean, I'm too tired to continue that, tho I want to finish that and move onto ME3 OTL|||
I'm still waiting for Legacy of the Void to come out tho. And Dungeon Keeper THE NEW VERSION which I forgot its name OTL||| I've always loved strategy games, and it's been quite challenging sometimes. Hahahahahahahaahah whatamIdoingwithmylife. OTL||| I can strategy here but I don't like strategy-ing in real life @w@
What other games? RPGs take too much of my time to level up so I actually don't prefer them anymore... =v= I mean, graphics, sounds, etc. are nice and all but, I prefer to "play games" that are more "free"... like, whatever you can do with RPing, y'know? That's another kind of "game" for me but... I can't really continue with my community anymore *sigh* I just hoped that I can get another free place to start everything over and shit. =v=;;;
Oh well. OTL|||
MaybeIshouldgoback.
= = =
Gamings aside, I've been wanting to draw 0v0
But. My inspirations are hitting the ground and I have no idea where to start with OTL|||
Then I wanted to write as well.
Maybe I should restart my "Kagura" Project (yes, it's now an independent series 'cause I think using DMC as its title name is kind of weird... don'tcha think? =v=;;;)
And all the other one-shots about Yuri and stuffs... hmmm. But not much things came out from this brain for now. It wants to make music more than anything else *sigh*
I mean, sure, making music is great but, I want to go back to my previous hobbies and not just revolve around making music...
OR I can start making music until I'm bored with it THEN I can go back to my previous hobbies 8D
Yeah. That should do it. <3
Lemme just start rearranging all those bad shits MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH *shot*
Ohandcoveringsongsweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee 8'D
= = =
Exercising is a must. I need to diet and I need to stamina-gain. D<
I can't let everything to stay as it is OTL|||
Gotta go to those Idol things and score 'em =w=)b *shotshotshot* (where this confidence came from oi =A=;;;)
Also.
I want to get a girlfriend.
Goddammit I WANT A GIRLFRIEND D<
WHY THAT WOMAN HAS ONE AND I DON'T HAVE ANY.
Am I unattractive? *sigh*
I swear I have good looks oi :/
Am I being too confident about myself then? 8'D
Oh well.
In any ways, I need a new romance so that I can forget all those bad ones.
That I felt guilty about, that I felt miserable about. *sigh*
Gimme my chance oi. =A=
I'm not a bad person, I deserve at least something oi. =A=;;;
*sigh*
= = =
I couldn't forget all those things that I've done.
I couldn't forget all those emotions that I felt.
I couldn't forget all of those people's faces.
Seeing them being happy and I'm not distorts my heart as well.
Like, wtf?
I'm a better person than they are but I don't get this?
Then again...
I'm not.
I'm... a very pathetic person. =v=
Meh.
I don't deserve love probably OTL|||
Still, I'm quite envious of their relationships.
And when I think of my own, it does nothing but leaving me a battered heart and soul.
For years, and perhaps years to come...
Have nobody attempted to get to know the real me?
To get close to me?
Really?
Am I that bad a character?
Did I push them away unconsciously???
Or was it because of this particular woman that I'm still having feelings of?
That everybody just sort of thought that we're together?
WE'RE NOT DAMMIT.
SO HELP ME GET RID OF THIS FEELING ALREADY. D<
Goddammit OTL|||
= = =
And so, my life after graduation have just begun =v=
I hope that my future is gonna be brighter and I can find some lights...
Lights...
Hmmm.
Where?
Hopefully I can still go to Japan - not as a traveler, but as a student... as a worker...
I didn't forget the noble quest of mine - to learn, and to teach.
But can I do that?
Hmmmmmmm.
I need to get a teaching cert too. Meh :/
Ohwell. <w< >w>
Omedetou to myself 8'DDD
I dunno why I decided to write something here today buuuuuuuut here I am XD
Well, I have no ideas what to write here...
Or rather, how to really start...
Well.
Many, many things have happened.
I laughed. I cried. I'm hurt. I'd hurt. I rose. I fallen.
I...
Suddenly that one big obstacle just disappeared in my life and I don't really know what to do next.
People told me that I should rest, but what should I do while I'm resting?
How long should I rest?
I have been resting, and it's been quite a long while.
Well, at least, right now, I'm able to play, to have fun, and to enjoy my life and catch up with whatever that I couldn't before... which is a lie, 'cause, I CAN always enjoy them and do what I want to do at the same time. I procrastinated - even my own enjoyment. It was funny, even until now. It's not like I don't have the time, it's more like, I don't feel like doing it.
But one thing that I really want to do, and I didn't got the time to do, was to listen to songs.
New and old.
Good and bads... actually the bads can go one side but, I always have this thing about "potential songs" and how to make them better.
Hmm.
Maybe I can try rearranging them? 0w0
Yeah. I could add that to my list of things that I want to do. Kek.
= = =
Aside from that, what else I want to do?
A lot, actually, that it peaks at 11 major things that I wanna do - that I've been wanting to do.
Funny thing is, I don't know how to feel about gaming anymore.
Sure, leveling up my Disgaea characters have been a thing... but after 2 hours of doing the same thing? Nah. =v=
What about Dragon Nest? I shrugs, because I don't really feel like looking at the lagging screen and fighting... the same bosses. I can read up their plots in wikias too so... doesn't really matter to me anymore, about everything. One thing that I used to take enjoyment was about earning money. When it's NOT about earning money, I'm not quite sure what I really want to do in Dragon Nest. Quite odd, this is. :/
What about the rest of the games that I left behind? That I didn't get to finish them? Well, Mass Effect 2... I'm actually stuck at one of that super difficult mission that I just went and "nah, not gonna do this =v=;;;" I mean, I'm too tired to continue that, tho I want to finish that and move onto ME3 OTL|||
I'm still waiting for Legacy of the Void to come out tho. And Dungeon Keeper THE NEW VERSION which I forgot its name OTL||| I've always loved strategy games, and it's been quite challenging sometimes. Hahahahahahahaahah whatamIdoingwithmylife. OTL||| I can strategy here but I don't like strategy-ing in real life @w@
What other games? RPGs take too much of my time to level up so I actually don't prefer them anymore... =v= I mean, graphics, sounds, etc. are nice and all but, I prefer to "play games" that are more "free"... like, whatever you can do with RPing, y'know? That's another kind of "game" for me but... I can't really continue with my community anymore *sigh* I just hoped that I can get another free place to start everything over and shit. =v=;;;
Oh well. OTL|||
MaybeIshouldgoback.
= = =
Gamings aside, I've been wanting to draw 0v0
But. My inspirations are hitting the ground and I have no idea where to start with OTL|||
Then I wanted to write as well.
Maybe I should restart my "Kagura" Project (yes, it's now an independent series 'cause I think using DMC as its title name is kind of weird... don'tcha think? =v=;;;)
And all the other one-shots about Yuri and stuffs... hmmm. But not much things came out from this brain for now. It wants to make music more than anything else *sigh*
I mean, sure, making music is great but, I want to go back to my previous hobbies and not just revolve around making music...
OR I can start making music until I'm bored with it THEN I can go back to my previous hobbies 8D
Yeah. That should do it. <3
Lemme just start rearranging all those bad shits MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH *shot*
Ohandcoveringsongsweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee 8'D
= = =
Exercising is a must. I need to diet and I need to stamina-gain. D<
I can't let everything to stay as it is OTL|||
Gotta go to those Idol things and score 'em =w=)b *shotshotshot* (where this confidence came from oi =A=;;;)
Also.
I want to get a girlfriend.
Goddammit I WANT A GIRLFRIEND D<
WHY THAT WOMAN HAS ONE AND I DON'T HAVE ANY.
Am I unattractive? *sigh*
I swear I have good looks oi :/
Am I being too confident about myself then? 8'D
Oh well.
In any ways, I need a new romance so that I can forget all those bad ones.
That I felt guilty about, that I felt miserable about. *sigh*
Gimme my chance oi. =A=
I'm not a bad person, I deserve at least something oi. =A=;;;
*sigh*
= = =
I couldn't forget all those things that I've done.
I couldn't forget all those emotions that I felt.
I couldn't forget all of those people's faces.
Seeing them being happy and I'm not distorts my heart as well.
Like, wtf?
I'm a better person than they are but I don't get this?
Then again...
I'm not.
I'm... a very pathetic person. =v=
Meh.
I don't deserve love probably OTL|||
Still, I'm quite envious of their relationships.
And when I think of my own, it does nothing but leaving me a battered heart and soul.
For years, and perhaps years to come...
Have nobody attempted to get to know the real me?
To get close to me?
Really?
Am I that bad a character?
Did I push them away unconsciously???
Or was it because of this particular woman that I'm still having feelings of?
That everybody just sort of thought that we're together?
WE'RE NOT DAMMIT.
SO HELP ME GET RID OF THIS FEELING ALREADY. D<
Goddammit OTL|||
= = =
And so, my life after graduation have just begun =v=
I hope that my future is gonna be brighter and I can find some lights...
Lights...
Hmmm.
Where?
Hopefully I can still go to Japan - not as a traveler, but as a student... as a worker...
I didn't forget the noble quest of mine - to learn, and to teach.
But can I do that?
Hmmmmmmm.
I need to get a teaching cert too. Meh :/
Ohwell. <w< >w>
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