"I will never again receive your love
Nor will I ever be needed
And that is how I find myself all alone
What was it you told me back then?
The words that won't reach me danced in the air
And though I know better, once again today I end up
Wishing for things that won't come true"
If I am to destroy everything, my happiness will go along with it.
The days I spent with you, the moments we cherished together...
Everything will be gone, but not without a single trace.
Though, what will be left, will be bittersweet...
And wishes will never come true, no matter how much we yearned and worked for them.
If I am to destroy everything, my future might go along with it.
All the promises that we have made, all the ideas we shared with each other...
Even though they're not gone, they will never be the same anymore.
We will eventually work with someone else, someone with different ideas from each other...
Maybe it'll turn better, but maybe it'll turn worse too.
"Don't let me go
Just squeeze my hand tight
And tell me we'll go on together
Your hand in mine was warm
And gentle"
Deep inside my heart, aside from my rage and angst,
I yearned for forgiveness and chances and acceptance.
But I know no matter how many times you give me those things,
If I still can't deal with my demon, everything will end up the same.
Again and again and again and again...
We'll end up hurting each other.
"That's how you always anger me
And make me cry in the end
But I loved the way
You looked when you apologized
Afterwards"
And then we'll try to fix the problems again,
And then we'll apologize to each other again,
And then we'll smile, and it got better again.
Like a pottery that was broke and fixed up with gold,
It brimmed in beauty that none of us know,
Except for the one beside us that we have always known.
But after breaking for so many times,
Even pots have only so much life.
The moment it break, it can never handle another time.
Because to fix it will make it even uglier than before,
As the beauty has lost, and meanings are no more.
"Don't let me go
Hold me tight, yes, with all your strength
I want to be in your arms
We'll fall asleep as we touch our foreheads
Together"
Holding your hand is a dream that will never happen.
Because I can never hold that delicate hand of yours with tightness.
As I have fear and doubts in myself, not just yours;
That I would crush this thing myself without asking for your thoughts.
I hunger for power and I'm damn ambitious,
Perhaps you're the only one who can feed my ambition,
As you're the one with pure talents,
But I'm nothing but a jack of all asses.
"Did you know that we'll never be able to meet ever again?"
If we are to separate in the future, that might happen?
That I'll feel all the guilt and shame for not being able to continue this,
Without letting my emotions to lead me, and act on behalf of the better good?
That I know that you might not be able to find another one who can confide all your troubles,
But also think that it might be easy for you to find that me-double.
I'm a person of contradicting opinions, where they constantly fight.
But in the end, nobody's right.
However the influence is right there and no matter what I do, it sticks tight.
Still, I know damn right that you might be the only person,
Who I can talk for hours and the topics are endless.
I might have new friends, I may still hunt for new people,
But the person that I would cherish the most is none other than you and only you.
If I have a flower, I'd give it to you at my first thought.
But then I'll think, what does it do?
Will it ruin you? Will it beautify you?
What will the rumors say?
I may have just sullied you.
So I keep the flower, and I'll probably give it to somebody else.
Who won't have any repercussion from the society if I'm the one who gave the flower.
Who... perhaps I do not care as much as you since I really don't care about the consequences-
-well, no offense, but it's true.
"Don't let me go
Hold me tight; I love you
Won't you laugh for me just one more time?
Before your warmth vanishes
Embrace me"
The sounds of yearning to stay with you bashes through the prison of my heart,
Trying to unshackle itself and wanting to stick close to you.
But I yelled at it, I told it that it will not come true:
"You need help? Well I'm sorry - I won't let you!"
But no matter what it is, I know that I'd hate to see you cry.
Not that you can't cry eternally, but if it's me that made you cry, I'll hate myself forever.
It hurts me a lot, especially the one that's being shackled,
Who will forcefully tear open my heart and kill me from the inside.
I really just want to see you smile.
I want you to make friends, even though I'm jealous at the sight of it.
I want you to be able to be strong to do everything, yet still hope you'll ask me for help.
Sometimes I didn't mention it, but I hoped that you would ask.
Perhaps you think that you're selfish, but I am too, the same as you.
Whatever I have said, they're also true:
Those words that hurt, and also the hurt one's words.
Including the timid one who wished that she just won't be abandoned again,
Including the raged one who wished that you would disappear,
Trying to hide the coward one who wished that SHE'S the one who can disappear.
Yet what should I do? What can I say?
I am indeed lack of a solution.
I have used most potions to heal my wounds,
There's no more cures to mend this poison.
If you have it, or ANYONE that has it, please do tell.
And teach me how to deal with my own hell.
On top (or bottom, since, well, this is the bottom) of all things,
I wished to apologize.
Apologize for the demon inside,
Apologize for the things I couldn't come clean,
Apologize for being late, for being rude, for being insensitive.
Apologize for any future things that I may have done wrong,
Apologize for possible destruction that I could not hold myself off.
Apologize for hurting you in the past, present, and future,
Apologize for forgetting and/or breaking any promises,
Apologize for not listening, not being a good friend, not doing my best...
Well, there's more. More things out there that I might have not thought of it.
But there's one, the most important one of all:
I apologize for the possibility of not being able to walk down the battlefield with you.
That will be my greatest regret if it happen in the future.
PS: I apologize for, uh, trying to rhyme because it's a bad bad habit of mine <w<
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