Semester break, totally not cool

Insert: Party Knife (by Deftones)

So, August, it's semester break!
"Hurray!"
Everyone would say.
Me? I'm not too fond of it.

You would probably wonder "Why? You can do whatever you want!"

Point is: That's not really how it is.

= = =

:: Life At Home ::


So, you think life in semester break is fun? Nope.
I prefer life studying and chasing after homeworks and deadlines.

Though there's no much to play but at least I get to go out and see people I'd rather see and learn/do things that I'd rather do compare to being at this house, doing nothing much about my career-stuffs or my usual gaming stuffs or my relationship because my time is simply being disrupted more often because I had "holiday".

I somehow even prefer to go work now.
At least I have "excuse" to rest when I came back to the house.

While I have the so-called "free time", I actually has fewer "freedom time". Because of the "free-time", I'm bound to stay for my family to see "where I am" and "what am I doing" more often. AND because of the "free-time", they expect me to stay at home more often and help them out and stuffs and stuffs.

:: Social Life ::

Not much social life right now. Other than the fact that my mom expects me to stay at home and do nothing but listen to her if she needs any help, I can't really find my interest to go on for "social" stuffs. Did I just lost my interest, or did people made me lost my interest? Apparently, I really don't feel like "socializing" with people. Am I really not that type of person?

Maybe.

I really hate going out - going out means more money's gonna lose, more time and energy spent and less rest, but hey! I get to meet with friends, right? I'm not quite sure if that's something that I prefer to do. I'd rather stay at home and rest. (Unfortunately, that isn't really an option seeing how she "scheduled" my life now) That's why I "loved" to go out - it's to get out from this house that's bounded with chains. At least I felt in control of my life if I go out.

But... really?

Heck I don't think so. I'm so lost when I'm outside - I don't know what to do, I have no interest in movies, I have no interest in shopping, and I definitely had no interest in watching them talking about things that I might not know and only nodded because I wanted to be part of it. Seriously - I don't like group stuffs at all. I might like it at first, but I found that it's really taxing.

What have I been doing in the past few years with those group of people, really? Am I feeling happy? Perhaps. But now, I just don't want to relive them at all - not at all.

:: Relationship ::

"I feel like we're more like friends, than lovers. Recently."

I know this isn't supposed to be how it was - I mean, there's nothing negative about our relationship, and it's mostly positive - but I can slowly feel that it's dying, even without her telling me that today. Me - being me *rolls eyes* - assured her that maybe it's just recently, which I would love to believe it myself since I have so many things going on in my family currently. I can't be sure if it's her problem or my problem - maybe it's both, maybe it's neither. Still, I'm not quite sure if this can "revive" the passion that we both felt at first.

Maybe, it's just "time".

I would love to sleep through my problems and live afresh/anew when I wake up again (like I've always do towards all kinds of problems) - sadly, that isn't an option here. I'm not even sure if it will remain as this way if we both do something, or nothing. Confusing? Not really. Just don't know what to do.

But if we really ended up just like this, I guess it would be kind of nice, since there will be no quarrels, and no hard feelings - we both feel the same way, isn't it? Still, that means no more actions of affections anymore. Would both of us able to cope with that? I don't know.

Do I feel sad, really? I guess... Not really. But I am certainly troubled by my own thoughts indeed.

= = =

So many things happened in the beginning of August. I would love to conclude all of these as "unfortunate incidents". But, really? Is it because of destiny, or because it's man-made? Somethings cannot be explained, yet some could be. Some are what I should call as "Dai-Sei (Deserved it)", but some are like "What the fuck?".

I have no more thoughts on them - even if I do, they slowly just faded away because I'm still tired.

Actually, I'm more like "tired about everything".

Oh well, I'll just have to go play ME2 and see how that would change me. :/