Swallows

Insert: Hemisphere [by Sakamoto Maaya]


Do you know how hard it was to swallow:
1) The bitter comments
2) The bitter thoughts
3) The bitter talks
4) Accusations


And I really disliked them.


Insults are always better than all of those, and they're the easiest to swallow.
Because insults happened everywhere, and everyone had their own hate.
Insults happened when its mostly true, too.


But accusations AREN'T.


They're accusations, they're fake implications on oneself.
As someone who honored truth in personalities, I feel deeply hurt by accusations.

You can insult me of being fat, lazy and useless in your own way; comment on my love for something that you think is stupid and meaningless; and talked about how sad your life or my life is and it's impossible to make them happen in a good way...


But to accuse me in eating all the foods in the fridge while I did not do so, is a HUGE offense.
I will FIGHT you 'til death to prove my own innocence, even though how I am MIGHT have a possibility in causing that.
However, it's the truth that I did not do that.


So NO.

= = =

This little simple sentence that makes me SO HARD to swallow, breaks my mood into pieces and I can immediately lose all senses to do normal things. So badly that I would break my drums, my PC, and my phone... if I can say "FUCK YOU" at the consequences. So of course, I thought about all of them, and swallowed all those destructive side of me down.


Have you ever considered how hard was that?


And they said that Aries easily gain heartattacks and whatsoever-strokes, I can fully connect myself towards that. They die because people angered them too much while they fully released their anger without control; I die because I control my anger.


Because one Aries does not simply ignore the angers.


They convert them into something else... and for most of the people, they work on things that they normally won't do, or wished to do for a long time, or simply do those stuffs that requires a huge load of energy, so that they can vent on.


Me?


I would hit on my drums, but that would my neighbors to file a lawsuit against me.
So I chose to vent on words.


If there's no words for me to do that at the moment...


Expect me to kick my chair and flip it upside-down, throw my phone or whatsoever.
But, if you can't call my phone at the moment, please do expect the worse.
Because I'll always prepare a back-up before I do that, since I know it's fragile.
Chair, however, isn't. And they're cheap. So yeah.


But I DO like the sound of destruction.


Because...

FUCK YOU.

Of course, I can't say that in public, so I'll just swallow them, and increase the meter...










But now, I just want to indulge myself in heartbreaking musics.

「崩れた、感情の果てに。。。」

Insert: Highschool of the Dead [Highschool of the Dead OP]


時々はね、やっぱり死んだ欲しい。


現実の痛み、やはり逃がされないだ。
こんなの時、全世界に壊したい。
こんなの時、自分を隠されたい。


だって、痛みが止まらない。


「ああ、じゃ、寝っての方がいいでしょう。」
そう思ったんだのに。。。
眠れないには解ってる。


だけど。


あれしか。。。ないだ。

「何を見る？何が在る？まだ知らない。。。」

やはり現実に見たくないだ。

すごく怖かった。

だから、寝ってよ。

= = =

頑張れよ、あたし。

起きたんだったら、まだ見えないの明日に頑張ろう。

続け続け続け！

絶対に負けないから。。。

自分に負けないから。。。！

The Best Week of November

Insert: Guns n' Roses [by Paradise Lunch, Baccano OP]


There's several things I wanted to touch in this month...waitno. This week LAWL!
It's just too amusing, and AMAZING for me. =3


Simply one of the best experience <3


Now, let me start...

= = =

:: Human Communication Presentation ::


I had HC Presentation this Thursday (24/11), so the whole week, including the weeks before that, I've been soooooooooo busy regarding the presentation AND the paperworks. But to be honest, I'm NOT worried at all.


Why?


1. I have the BEST TEAM of my whole life.


I'm not even KIDDING when I mentioned "Best Team". Team 5 compromise of me, Soon Ying Xi, Claudia Hwa, Ziyad, and Alvin. I'm very proud to say that I'm PROUD of every members in this group. They truly gave out all they had for the presentation. Though when we're preparing the paperwork and the slides, there's things going on here and there, but then at the end, everyone just BAM and it's just...perfect. <3


And the outcome...


2. I have NEVER had such a great Presentation in my WHOLE life.


I talked, like river flowing... I'm not thinking, I'm not stopping either! It just came, and there it happened! And the best part was, the slides were PERFECTLY prepared, and everyone were speechless by our presentation (yes, I DARE to say that! =D)


I have never been in such excitement for such a long time...


3. Even AFTER the presentation!


Yes. I am dedicated to write a blog-post for this memorable day, with my teammates. Helpful teammates... Seriously, it's been a long time--- no. I had NEVER had such great teammates before in my LIFE! I love all of them...maybe not the dudes. Since one smokes and another one didn't do much for the paperwork. Still... I respect for what they had done.


I'm just gonna give a shout-out to those honorable people here:

"THANK YOU YOU PEOPLE! YOU MADE MY LIFE WHOLE AGAIN! 8D"

4. Yeap. It was AWESHUM. <3

= = =

::  Contemporary Festival ::


Ohgod. The 2-days consecutive music-orgasm day... nonono. Not JUST my ears, but my body and soul are FILLED with musics! And I came to respect a lot of people because of their performances... =3 If I must name one, it would be Rebecca, the drummer. Though I don't really like the way she hits it (compare to other drummers with... weird antics, I must say LAWL!), I definitely respect the skills she had and the improvisations/ideas she had in mind =3


That aside...


1. I learned DAMN lot from the workshops.


I don't know why there's so few people around the corner but... I dare to say that the ticket fees definitely WORTH IT. From all of these workshops, I realized that, though most of them said almost the same things... one needs to LEARN how to do so, is pretty hard and requires a lot of stuffs within one self.


Let's say... Learning how to "Listen to the others" and "Respect their spaces".


Don't get it? Lemme tell you.


Listen to the others - refers to listening to what the others are playing. The dynamics, the flow, how many bars, the harmony, etc. Now while listening closely, you can based on them, and do your thing. Especially when one's soloing, you NEED to know when they're playing on some special things that you can help to add in - especially for the rhythm sections, those cues are important.


Respect their spaces - You do your thing, but you DON'T overcross the line/boundary in the harmony. What does that means? It means that... (especially while one's soloing), you do NOT play louder than the other instruments, and you must know what you can do to compliment and help in building up, not to force or being the leader or the one that wants to outshine instead. That occurred quite often in bands, where each of them wanted to show their skills and whatsoevernot. But then, they forgot about this, and they tend to blast their techniques all over the places...which I don't approve, and I don't get the music flow thanks to that. :/ and it's a quite famous Western band that did it, which I am deeply DISAPPOINT.


I wrote SO MUCH and learned SO MUCH from these workshops. I wrote a total of... 4 pages FULL of shtuffs from listening to them. Normal class couldn't even make me write them down. But these workshops are just...aweshum.


Though, note to self - never listen to the others on WHICH workshop you should go. Because I kind of disappointed when I went to the Ensemble Workshop and I SO wanted to go for the Bass Workshop, which I can ask more questions... DAMN! >A< If there's another Bass-related workshop, I'M GOING DDDDDDD<


2. Gonzalo Rubalcaba is my Inspiration.


Ohhhhhhyesbabeh. I dare to say this. There's NEVER a single musician is able to inspire me, but his workshop, definitely could. (Speaking of this, I SHOULD go and listen to Kajiura Yuki's songs and all those Final Fantasy songs and... mmmhmmm, let's just make them inspire me more from musics themselves ;3)


He thought me a lot of shtuffs, though some I already knew subconsciously but still, they're good shtuffs. I wrote 3 pages for HIS words, and he inspired me in how my new song SHOULD be =3 (which I was pretty confuzzled and headache of that piece @w@)


I note down A LOT of words that he spoke. Like...


"If you think of the things you wanted, you will find times for them. But if you don't think of them, you won't even do it."
>>> I thought a lot regarding this... it's so true. When you think of the things you wanted to do, you will naturally fix a time for it. But if you don't think of them at all, you forget about them, and you won't even do it.


"Need to spend time at least 5 - 10 minutes together in a family."
>>> Morale support is important, and it's important to let your family to know what you're doing and stuffs. Though I personally don't do this pretty much (because... haha. <w<) but I DO agree with this statement. (Just that, I didn't do it. OTL|||)


"Little simple things give you a bright moment and give you energy/support to continue."
>>> A simple nod, a simple hug, an acknowledgement... They're not much, but they drive you further indeed. =3


"Listen to people around you."
>>> Listen to people's thoughts - each and everyone had different conclusion in their mind regarding one situation. That includes the things that you did, and produced. It's important to listen to people's comments about the things you've done - whether if they're acceptable in the community, or they're not. Of course, it's not about "follow what people wanted", it's just to listen, and to improve. If you don't listen, you cannot improve. (But of course, listen wasn't just using your ears - read those comments includes in this as well. XD)


"Love is what fix everything."
>>> It's true. When you have love, you know how to accept things. You open your heart out and listen to them, listen to yourself. And if there's love, there will be no war, no hate... yeah, you got it ;3


"Let the music to surprise you, surprise yourself of what you can do."
>>> Follow the flow of the music, and let yourself to follow the music as you play and improvise... let them lead your play, and surprise your own self =3


"Tell a story in a more unique way. Forget what you have done before, try new things."
>>> Everyone tells the same story, but how to make it more interesting and more unique? This phrase is pretty important <3


"Respect the space of each one, and cooperate/learn how to pay together. Acceptance is important."
>>> You can only respect someone when you start to accept them? Hmmm... Though I agree both of them are VERY important in playing as a group, since you need to respect their playing, and accept their playing, in order to function as a team.


"We need to listen to each other. [Cut] We rehearse without these (amplifiers)."
>>> Remember: Amplifiers are only to project and amplify the sounds of the instruments. Still, they don't control your original-volume as you play. And to play as a group so to harmonize the whole band, is to listen to each of them. Without amplifiers, you learn to listen using their own original volume. As you proceed, you're able to control your own dynamics/volumes to match the other one. This is a way to improve your band-playing as well. (VERY IMPORTANT! >D)


Yyyyeap. All of his words... definitely worth the original price of RM50--- no. I don't even THINK that should be the extent of it. It worth even MORE than that! If you want me to pay RM100, I would SO go for it =3


After all those workshops...


3. MY FIRST TIME OUTDOOR CONCERT!!!


I have NEVER been into an outdoor concert before... And it was just amazing! Seeing the crowds having fun... wow. The first day, I memang HOT LIKE MAD! That wasn't the extent of the outdoor concert...


4. My first-time experience of LASER-ART!!!


It was simply AWESHUM! I dare to say that I'm so touch by its beauty that I nearly cried for the first time seeing it <3


That was the first day, though...


5. Second day: MAH FIRST TIME UNDER THE RAIN CONCERT!


Ohyeahbabeh. SYOK BETUL! And it was really amusing that even though it's raining, people still gather around and have fun with the musics! 8D Damn proud of this concert itself wei! <3


6. I dare to say, this is my First-ever BEST CONCERT!


Ohyes. The players in this festival are all top-notch people. ESPECIALLY OUR OWN UCSI BAND. It was simply AMUAZING. I must emphasize again: AMUAAAAAAZINGGGGGG. And Frances is definitely AWESHUM! Through this concert, I once again held utmost respects to everyone playing up the stage there. And especially Mr. Juan Pablo. I simply adore his compositions! Though I dislike the fact that the teachers said that "Pop musics are JUNK musics", but I must understand that compare to those Latin musics, Pop musics are really NOTHING.


Still, I wanted to compose AWESHUM Pop Musics. >D


And seeing how Ms. Lee conducted in the stage makes me wanna to that too LAWL! XDDD


7. And I dare to say: Asians play BETTER than anyone else!


Yes, Westerners may sound better in vocals but... Instrument and band wise, I don't know why, I'm deeply moved by the Asians' bands. (Especially our school's band, once again 8D Though they compromise of different members for each songs but still, best of the best!)


But then hor, that vocalist in Asian Beats hor... Sorry lah, but I REALLY want to hor, beat the crap out of your and let the saxophone/trumpet to take your place lah. D< YOU SHUCKS. Let Frances sing your place! LET HER DO HER JOB! -shot-


I was wondering why Asians play better... was it because I'm bias? But I really don't get the feel when the westerner's band's playing it :/ Not only me, Kou felt the same as well. And also the others... hmmm. I wonder why. Was it because Asian players listen to more genres of musics? Hmmmmmmmmm. -thinks-


8. Still... IT'S AN AWESHUMSAUCE WEEKEND!!! 8DDDDDDDDDD


Though, I must note to self: When it's a Contemporary Music Fest, it's best to bring your LOVER instead of your best friend, because those romantic songs sounds just soooooooo awkward at that time, and especially when you and your best friend are FOREVER-ALONE-ING. =3=;;;

= = =

Phew... After those things for the week, I'm... sick. XD
Must be because of the rain and the things I ate <w<
I should get some more rest... .w.


WHAI YOU BLEED RIGHT NOW?! WHAAAAAI ;A;


I TOMORROW EXAM WHAI YOU BLEED RIGHT NOW?! TAT


I just hope that my Drum Exam will be smoothly conducted ;3; -prays to the god-

Of Families and Hatred

Insert: 黑吃黑 (by A-Mei)


Normally, I won't do this. But today, I think of keeping a journal of how on earth I'm raged by my family... just to note myself NEVER do that to them anymore.


省下力气。


11.11.11


You, call me, to take care of my nephew YOUR golden grandchild, today.
But you, did not, tell me, when and all those details.


Fiiiiiiine.


I go to my bro's house right after school time - to do my job as I promised you that day.
And, should I say "luckily" I called you and tell you that I'm there already.


Oh, how foolish I am.


You're frustrated over the other end of the phone, and tell me that they're still gonna come over to our house to eat dinner. Uhuh. Why did I not think of that?


Clearly because you didn't tell me WHEN on earth the parents of the child is going off.
And you're saying as if you're not going to be there for the whole damn night.
And now you're questioning “你怎样做东西的哦？”


Fiiiiiiine.


My fault, then.
My fault.


I shall either NEVER help you in taking care of that foolish grandchild that's been paaaampered by his other grandparents anymore, or I shall do it my own way, or I shall be kindly ask for all those details from you.


And then you will be saying this:


"This is common sense! Why you need to ask? I thought you already know!"






"Thought". Truly, the best word in the WORLD.






Oh well, it's okay.
I can always say "Oh sorry I'm very busy I cannot take care of those miiiinial stuffs."
I can always say THAT.


And don't be angry or be sad that time.


= = =


Sometimes, it's not what I become, it's how you raise me made me becoming who I am.
And through those ages under your... cage,


I came to hate you people.


I have stated this in my old blog, and I'm continuing in my new blog.
Because that's how you treat me, and I'm keeping this salt to my wound in the future.
To remind myself never repeat any foolish mistakes that I would make upon you people's...

"Ideology".

Money Managing?

Insert: Uso [ED in Fullmetal Alchemist, by SID] / JAP [by Abingdon Boy's School]


I have pretty much problems with people's money management, like, seriously.
I know life is short, you need to live fully to it, blah blah blah.
But seriously, money saving is IMPORTANT duud! D<


I can't believe there's really some that doesn't save up, AT ALL.


You get like, RM120 per week, yet you have nothing left?
I know inflations and shtuffs are becoming worse in Malaysia but still, you can at least save like, whut, RM10?
The veeeeery least la, come on! D8


Don't think that's RM10 ish small, okay?


= = = = = =


So this is normally how I manage my money.


Let's say, I get RM300 per month.


I would firstly, keep 10% of them up - in this case, RM30.
Then carefully, plan my plans for everyday.
Let's say one meal ish like RM5 for minimal, edible, food.
There's like, 30 days per month, so it'll be like, RM150 goes to food.
(Of course, if you're not eating through your own money every day, you can cut the amount.)
Transport fees, since I'm driving, I would prepare like RM50 for that.
So I still have like, RM70 left.


Now I still have RM70 left. I did other kinds of expenses with this amount. Let's say...


Buy Text books?
Buy Wen Ju (?)?
Buy better foods for myself?
Buy fashion shtuffs?
Buy/Repair new/broken shtuffs?
Throw them into my savings?


Yeap. And mostly, since you don't need to buy text books for like, EVERY SINGLE MONTH, and I'm pretty sure some don't even buy them at all, I skip the first one. The second one wasn't really needed since I had my notebook now, so I'mma skipping for the second one. Third one, maaaaybe. But it's not like I everyday eat luxurious foods so... skipping for the third one. I'm not a shopping person, so yeah. Skip the forth one. Fifth one? Unless you're so unfortunate you broke things often, you can skip that too. Therefore, the sixth one is mostly my choice.


Through this kind of management, I can like, have AT LEAST RM30 as saving (per month), and if I'm lucky enough, I get extra RM70 or RM 100 (from the food) for savings.


= = = = = =


So how would I manage my saving, if I do have? Let's say, I had like RM1000 right now (okay, I know that's impossible, but if you keep that method above for at least one year, I'm sure you can do that if you're still a student, have jobful parents, don't need to pay for rentals by your own, and you definitely don't need to give your money back at your parents), I do this kind of planning:


Take RM500 out, planning as below:


50% - medical expenses/saman/accidents
50% - personal survival emergencies (just in case if things happened with your current money in hand and you have the lack of usage in money)

Another RM500:

Do whatever you want with it LAWLZ.


= = = = = =


Now, there's this type of people that I HATE the MOST.


Once they get the money...


60% - all living expenses (they deemed) / MAKAN SYOKSYOKSYOKSYOKSYOK
20% - buy whatever things they wanted / SHOPPING TAIMU!
20% - help "unfortunate friends" / BELANJA KAOKAOKAO
=== 100% Sekajigus Goodbye. :/


TBH, this kind of people will end up borrow money from the others, because they will find out that they have no money anymore since they're spending it WRONG. And usually, they will THOUGHT they still have a lot of just spend them all in whatever they wanted... then when they realized that they did not have enough money, they will borrow from the others.


Worse case happened when you have a credit card, because you will be using your FUTURE money to pay your PRESENT expenses.


So actually, it's like this instead of the above:


80% - Makan / Shopping (either or, you decide)
30% - Shopping / Makan
30% - Belanja
= 140% OVERLOADED EXPENSES D8


So where the other 40% come from? BORROW LAH! DDD|
And if they're used to this kind of money-spending cycle, they will slowly become like this:


50% - paying back the debts
50% - Life / Shopping
30% - Shopping / Life
20% - Belanja/KEEP MY FACE MAN!
= 150% STILL OVERLOADED D00D! DDD8


But it's hard to change, seriously. :\


And most people don't notice that they started from the veeeery first I said, and slowly, transformed into the above.


Bankrupt is not included in this example, because that's an unfortunate accident. D8


PS:
I REALLY discourage people to borrow money from the others.
And don't EVER borrow your own money to the others - for they will not pay you back. Srs.


= = = = = =


And most of this type of people will say these...quoted from REAL speeches. :\


"I BO LUI LIAO! (I no money already!)"
>>> My ass. You got A LOT, just with bad management :\


"HAIYA! Next time I pay you back lor!"
>>> Next time next time, as you drag, 2 years later also never pay back yet lah!
>>> Normally this kind of people are used to use this quote at A LOT of their friends who trusted him or her, and gets the money, but rarely pays back. Even if they did, they will still have a huge amount of debts.


"EI, come, I belanja you! Har? No money? NEVERMIND LA! We FWEN ma!"
>>> ...if you no money, PLEEEEEASE, don't belanja. Learn to KEEP YOUR GOLD, not KEEP YOUR FACE! It's better to lose your face than lose your gold, which you will lose even more faces in the end!


Either that, or something similar.
I'm SERIOUS. D<


= = = = = =


Not done yet... might add some BAD examples later, and some good examples if I found one @w@

Juuuuuuust feel like doing something... stupid.

Insert: Egao no Hana [Negima Kazuki x Sayo character song]


And so, I was just........flipping through my diary (because I need to write some certain MPC in some certain forum >w>) and... I spotted some certain shtuffs in my diary, that I juuuuuuuust feel like EG-ing about it. XD

= = =

我不知道要怎么说才好。。。
>>>But you're already talking.
我并不讨厌你，但是我并没有那种所谓“大好き”の感情。
>>>Daisuki janai, ai no kanjou desu.
可能使我本身不了解这种感觉，我不知道这种滋味
>>>Touzen da, you no love anyone before :\


我还是没办法明白，
>>> Of course you don't understand.
你到底能有多了解我，
>>> You're no mind-reader :\
能有多接受我，
>>> I can comprehend a lot...well, in the past.
能有多理解我，
>>> Maybe not thaaaat much, since you're a Scorpio anyway. -shrugs-
明白到你能说喜欢我？
>>> Do I need reasons to love you? :/


当然，我并不排斥。。。。。。
>>> Orlynao.
如果你认识到真正的我，
>>> Which one was it? The current one, or the past one?
你能确定你不会后悔吗？
>>> I never regretted in anything, just to tell you this :/
你还会想待在我身边吗？
>>> The past one - definitely |3
我不肯定。。。
>>> Yeah, you don't. You can't predict the future.
我能相信你不会背叛我吗？
>>> Betray? Naaaaaah.
如果你真的能接受这样冷血的我，
>>> I...once thought I could, but it's you who pushed me away so... Okay, I'm dumb. =w=;;;
我不介意你待在我身边。
>>> Orlynao. :/


不过，我并不会是属于任何人的，
>>> No one belongs to no one. They had a life and freedom, y'know? |D
请你明白这一点。
>>> Look the above.
我不可能成为别人的东西。
>>> Look the above.
如果到时你要离开我亦无法阻止你。
>>> I don't know izzit me leaving you, or you're pushing me away. :\


除了光以外你还跟谁说过这件事？
>>> Ippai no hito da! The whole blog knows! 8DDDD -shot- (Okay, maybe not thaaat obvious)
我不希望别人知道。。。。。。
>>> I know, I know.
就算在一起也不能光明正大，
>>> Duuuuuuh.
你能吗？
>>> If I can't, I won't be confessing to you, dumb dumb. :\


我给你时间，
>>> I don't need time D8 Well, now maybe, I need to compose more and stop procrastinating.
The decision is up to you.
>>> WAO. YOU HAZ ONE LINE OF ENGRISH. -applause-
どちもいい。。。。。。
>>> Ara, sou...
だって。。。
>>> Ara?
I don’t care……
>>> Ara, soooooooooou... :\ (If you really don't care, you wouldn't even reply me.)


ま。。。安心なさい、
>>> Nani ga anshin tte...?
まだ友達です。
>>> Tomodachi dake de wa hoshii ku nai yo =A= Motte nai naraba, kowasareta no hou ga motto itaku nai da yo~ |D


これは私の答え。
>>> Ahh hai- tte nagai D|
いいですか？

>>> Ii janai. Zettai ni II JANAI.

= = =

Okay, I'm so bad. BUT I HAD FUN!!! 8DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Feel free to kill me. |DDDDDD

If you are really reading, of course. NYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA~

KAKATTE KOI!!! >DDDDDDD

愛、過去と現実。

Insert: 解脱 / Sad Rain / Love Letter /你是愛我的 / 平常心 / Should I Love Him?


I might be writing this in two languages...
Just for the fun of it...


= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =


Out of boredom, or just a sudden impulse,
I decided to write about the so-called history of my lovely lives.
They're nothing for me to be proud about,
Neither they're something for me to reminisce.


Just that...


I just can't deny the feeling of my heart that dwells on the past.
And the inability to move on from it.
Though, I tried, and I ignored all sorts of feelings that I had.
But then, I just can't deny them, at all.


= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =


已经有。。。两年了吧？
算算一下，好像也是呢。
那两年的时间，仿佛过得太快了。
而那两个礼拜的时间，仿佛像永远般的，徘徊着。


我们，真正有在一起过吗？
我们，真正有说过分手吗？
你说，你和我分手了。
我说，我们根本什么都没有说过，做过。


根本什么都不是。


虽然，我们有过一次的约会？算是吧。。。
嗯。。。。。。又好像不是。
嗯，有抱过 （算是吧？），有牵过手，
然后，也有去过你的家还有。。。
咳，详细就不说了。
虽然，我们都没接过吻就真的是。。。*sigh*


人们都说，初恋时最难忘的，最甜蜜的，最有遗憾的。
我说，如果你还是那一个人，可能这是真的。
如果，我能够坚持，你能够接受，可能一切都会有改变。


啊，如果啊如果，如果这世界有如果，那人们也不会有遗憾了吧。


不过，如果不是因为你，我也不会有所成长吧。
可能，我还会在另一个人的面前，死命的展现出自己那什么都没有的“才华”吧。
可能，我还会拼死名的粘住某些人。
嘛，虽然它不算是一个坏事，不过，你是唯一一个让我大开眼界的人。
还好你是我的初恋吧，让我能够更有毅力的下定一些决心。


不想继续了，没有希望了，就把他们丢掉了吧。
把爱剪成碎片让它随风去。


但是，也是因为你的存在，让我害怕了恋爱。
害怕希望，害怕伤害，害怕追求，害怕结局。
要不是某人忽然地问我，我可能也不会再次跌入这一个坑。


那时的日子是很开心，不过，回想起来是超苦涩的。
而且，那一段我自认最白痴愚蠢的做法，我以后是绝对不会再做了。
还真的是要好好的感谢你呢。


还有，今年四月的事情，我是绝对不会忘记的。
你虽然没想到我会有这么白痴，也没想到我的心情是怎样的。
没关系。
我以后也不会再这么白痴的跟着人家团团转。
多谢你，我才能够对人狠心一点。
多谢你，我才能够分辨是非与重要性。

Thanks to you, I can finally ignore a lot of stuffs that doesn't deem to be important to me.
Friendship? Relationship? Oh please.
Those are really nothing compare to myself.
If someone wants to die - go on, have fun in the other world.
Without you, nothing will change in my life.
If I have no one else to talk to, I can always talk to myself.
Then rage, and die, like everyone else.
Yeah, that's what you taught me in that lesson.


And you certainly taught me well.

所以说，如果人们问我为何忽然会这么的冷淡，冷血，
特别是四月之后，
我只会说我累了，就这么简单。
但是我绝对不会对他们说是因为你，教了我这件事。

If people ever noticed how much I secluded myself from people. Heh.


I guess you ARE that much of impact towards me.


PS: Thanks you to, you gave me enough inspirations to write like, what, 6 songs? Though neither of them really are down in the papers yet... Heh.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =


Of course, thanks to you, I met someone else as well...


Should this be something I shall be happy about?


Heh. To be honest, I doubt it.


And the worse thing that happened was that I really threw myself in.


= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =


Dear... (I can't believe I can still call you this. -sigh and facepalms-)

你是，我可以说，我用了最多心思的一个人。
我从来，从来，都没有亲手画。。。漫画？ 给一个人。
更何况是用了很多个版本/纸张 Draft, Sketch, Second Version, Sketch, Paper cutting, etc.
画了之后还录制一首歌给你，让你在夜晚可以睡得更好一些。
过后，还特地到你家去，强（？）吻了你。*咳*
之后，还买了花和蛋糕，放在你家门前，按铃后，走人。
想象一下，我真的不相信我做了这些人们都觉得很荒唐的事情。
然后我还（因）为你录制了自认最好听得一手自创曲。


你竟然不相信那是为了你的。


Seriously, what the FOOK.


你有这么不相信我是真的真的爱着你的吗？！


Fine, whatever.


反正从你身上得到的回忆，也算还蛮不错的了。
对一个对我根本没感觉的人来说，算真得很好了。
有笑过，有哭过，有抱过，有吻过。
算了吧。


虽然你一直再说着关于 “他” 的事情。


Funfact: Kou, does this remind you of anything? -smirks-

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I finished with the past, now let's come back to the present.


There's a reason that I couldn't fall in love with the current princess...
Datte, ouman no hime-sama ni nachatta.
Annan no hito ga zettai atashi no mon janeen dakara saa~ ¯\(－ ▽ －)/¯
And those disappointments? Yeap, they're just too much.


Off you go~ （╯°∀°）╯︵(>.∀.)> 


Then the most recent one...
I just CAN'T fall in love with that one, at all~ t(=3=)t
Reason is simple: No feelings from the other side, and I can't do anything about it.
So yeah.


Off me go. ┬──┬ ︵(>.Д.)>  


= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =


虽然埋怨（？）是蛮多的，不过，我真的没有后悔过。


虽然我是很希望回忆可以快点散去。*siiiigh...*