Disappointments... again.

Insert: Vertigo [by U2]

Disappointed.
I'm really disappointed by a lot of stuffs lately.
Band camp, the standards of the people, my band mates...
Then just recently (today), the DAMN movie...

Pirates of the Caribbean: Stranger's Tides.

Okay, I really REALLY expected it to be nice...
And has a flashy plot plus some awesome actions...
But...
Is my expectation too high?
Are all modern movies done it this way?
Focus nothing but the special effects not the plot?
What about the actions?
Damn...
Seriously disappointed.

Then, the bandcamp.
It really showed a lot of things that I least expected...
Of the age of the participants, I've already expecting that but...
Seriously, their levels are just... ugh. *shakeshead*
And their ATTITUDE!
What the heck?
Is that your attitude to come and learn stuffs?
To act as a know-it-all and sit laid back doing your own stuffs?
Hey, you're just a kid.
Even though you're a prodigy or anything - you're just a kid.
There's far way too much stuffs for you to learn, even as a prodigy in drums or whatsoever.
Who cares about how well are your techniques and skills are?
If you're not going to bring out the way the music suppose to sounds like, what's the use of it?

Then, my band mates and myself
Vocalist, you're being too lenient on those people, and you certainly cried/stressed too much.
Bassist... do you have a moment of seriousness?
Guitarist, band leader... You DO NOT act like a band leader REALLY should be.
Keyboardist... Damn, why you're always LATE?!
Drummer, myself, please, learn more on the skills and control your temper and patience...
...even though someone's late by 15 minutes, having a 45 minutes jam in a roundabout,
Having an immature person as your band-leader who doesn't really know a single thing,
And being the odd one out of the gang.
I'm not saying I'm good (hey, I'm tackling myself here), but seriously...
Bandmates, do your own parts as a band: At least be punctual.
THAT is the smallest thing that I hoped - is it that HARD?
*sigh*

Oh, and I really hate myself.
Because I'm so incompetent in most of the things...
Did I mentioned I got a saman today as well? *sigh*
Oh, and my pair of new shoes just got stolen because of my own carelessness *shakeshead*
Seriously, it's so stuuupid that I really want to die at some certain point.
The horoscope thingy is so true:
What does the 12 horoscopes wanted to do in critical moments?

Aries: Want to die.



===



It's coming back.
The feel of... darkness, if you can really call that as darkness.
Or simply, it's void.

I just seemed to not care about anything that happened around me,
And living only in my own world.
As they had nothing to do with me.

Who cares if you're happy or sad?
Who cares if you're funny or cold?
If you have nothing to do with me, there's no point caring about those at all.

And so, I chose to ignore.
Ignore the feelings of the others, ignore the feelings of myself.
Erase all sorts of guiltiness, enhance the self-centered-ness.

With these, I can truly gain a moment of silence for myself.

I guess my mask of hyperness is really something that I couldn't believe I did that.
It just came without any thoughts.
But who knows that behind the mask it was something so... empty.
All the laughters, all the happiness...
What are they, to me?
No one knows, I don't know as well.
Since after a joke, a short laugh, everything are just so empty.

Music? Cosplay? Quiz? Life?
They suddenly meant nothing to me right now.
And currently, I'm just waiting for the time to past.
For my brain to start sinking deep into the abyss,
So that I can truly sleep.

Oh, and health?
Seriously: Who cares?
If you live, you live for another day of boredom and emptiness.
If you're dead, nobody cares after a week or two.
I'm just one individual without any sorts of love and cares.
As I said before:

I have no fortune with love.

I can't feel love, from anybody.
And since I'm young, I can't feel love from my family.
Love from friends? It seemed that their disappointing moments topped over that love.
Love from lovers? Hell, do I even own one before?

Disappointed with life.
More like, disappointed with MYSELF,
For unable to make my life much interesting than this is.

Where's my creativity? Where's my music?
They're gone, just like the ashes that you throw into the sea.
After the bandcamp, everything sounds like... shit.
We're the best - SO WHAT?
We didn't learn ANYTHING.
Though we learn something but I learn nothing but shit-talks.
Something that, everybody already knew.
Something that, I personally think that it's pretty general.
And it's something that, those arrogant kids won't pay attention on.

Is my brain deforming?
Is my body lacking anything?
Why is this happening?
Why am I so lost in all of these things?

I seriously had NO idea.

And after watching PoC,
I really felt like, nothing's worth the price and money anymore.
Take an example at the food, the drinks, the images...
The equipments, the school, the life...
Nothing's worth my time or energy.
I'm really fed up with it.

More like, I'm fed up with myself.

And I'm wasting my time typing here.

Because I'm stuuupid.



===



Whatever I said in the above doesn't make much sense, I noticed that.
Well, rather than, making some sense out of it, I'm just simply rambling.
Daily stuffs... School life... Love life (do I have one?)... Whatever.

Bullshits, indeed.

Sickness!

Insert: Tooi Kono Machi de (Arcym Cover 8D) / ALL MIMU COVERS! <3

As so you people who knew me in real life,

And are still close to me,

You people might know how much I'm sick for the...

Past three days? Ovo???

Anyway, I guess I'm slowly recovering from the sickness...

How did I recover, you may ask?

Well... Simple, really.

You can get this from ANYWHERE---

Okay, almost anywhere. PX

No, it's not medicine. =v=

No matter how much you people want to force me panadol or whatsoever...

Speaking of panadol, I don't think I ever eat one of them before Owo

Anyway, NOT medicine.

But this is the best remedy for ALL sickness:

WATER.

PLAIN. WATER.

8DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

For Monday (the first day),

After knowing my own self is starting to be... very sick, perhaps?

I start to drink LOADS of water...

Drink nothing but water,

Eat nothing but water...

Yes, I DIDN'T eat for the first day. AT ALL.

Maybe that's why someone said that I slimmed down LMAO

Oh, and I sleep for... almost the whole day...

Though wake up here and here because of the heat...

=w=

Literally, the first day is the hardest to go through OTL|||

Anyway, second day, I was much better but...

The headaches...

Though my body is not as heaty as the day before.

Niiice~ The water works~ 8DDD

And so, I continue drinking them,

Until I went for school at 3 something...

And stayed for the jamming session until 7.

Many thanks to Carmen over here for taking care of me =3

Really like a MAMI ohhhh~~~

Hope you can Daniel-papa can have a sweet sweet life PXXX

*cough* 38 stuffs aside...

She said my temperature seemed to gone up a bit Owo

MUST BE THE LACK OF WATERRR!!!

Got home, DRIIIIIINK water...

Then Wednesday...

Moral class? Aiya, so mafan...

Skip ba. =w=

That dude teaching also no meaning de OTL|||

Though I'm very guilty towards Jonathan =3=

He's the group leader and.......... sigh.

Oh well, I didn't do anything for the past 3 days, so I guess...

It's pointless for me to go anyway. \(=v=)\

And so, I ATTEMPT to sleep through the morning...

Until my mom called me.

DAMN, I didn't get any rests at all...

And she wants me to FOLD CLOTHES.

The heck...

Fine, I fold...

Fold 1 piece = hang gei a while.

It continues until the end.

Baru my mom said "You really so not energetic MEH?"

=w=

Damn you, mom.

After folding them up, ME SLEEPS!

Or rather, I DID go for FB LOL

Of course, after waking up,

There's nothing better to do...

And I'm enough of sleeping...

So might as well 8DDDDDDDDD

*cough* anyway...

I saw a lot of people keep on asking me to eat meds. =w=

But the point is...

I don't wanna~~~ 8DDD

And I'm aware of the side effects, that's why =v=

Especially in NS... Damn, those are really killers.

They're USELESS for me.

But thanks for everyone's concern over here...

Including those who want to force me eat the meds PX

Gomen nachai, nyeh~ 8999

Fourth day...

Damn, the day that I had the most bad mood.

My mom, CCTV stuffs, no water supply, and even car-parking =w=

AND even getting a DAMN drum room!!!

*RAGESSSSSSS*

Of course, everything got better after I released my fury on the drums XDDD

And so, today there's no water supplies to my house,

And it's THURSDAY~ 8D

So I originally planned to go night market with my dear JIMUI: Kou. 8DDD

And we're supposed to grab another JIMUI along.

Sadly, she's busy with her work in Damansara. =3=

Fineeeeeee...

But then, when I go fetch Kou,

The sky started THUNDERING!!! OAO!!!

It means that we had no fate with night market LOL

And so.......

We decided to go Kuchai Lama and makan. 8D

The place where we go FANTOI with Onie-sama PX

Well, Kou said that he missed the Pan Mee there,

And so we went.

DAMN.

IT'S GOOD.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH~~~

THE CHILIII~~~

I WANT TASTE MOREEEEEEE TAT

But I'm still sick OTL|||

Oh well... ;3;

'till next time then...

Back home.

I RAGE.

For a very stupid CCTV my room is DIRTY LIKE MAD.

Especially my toilet OTL|||

I used around an hour to clean them up...

And the time during that moment is almost 11. =w=

Damn you, mom.

Thanks to your sissiness you need to build a CCTV.

You say you want this place to be safe,

You say it can be "An xin".

AN XIN GE PIII!!! =A=

You do liao the CCTV and then what?

Everyday go see see see.

An xin meh?

I don't think so lor. *rollseyes*

Fick dich.

Today is the fifth day since... my fever,

I guess I really recovered a lot. =3

But...

Other sickness are coming to me instead =w=

Sore throat and sneezes OTL|||

The heck??? =A=?!

===

Okay, me is done here.

Now is Film and Arts class LOL

BYE BYE PEOPLE 'TILL NEXT TIMEEE~

Something To Say To Some Certain People 01

To Some Certain H:

Hmm, here right after another more than one month (I really starts to think that you love "after one month" quite much, ain't cha?), you start to "talk" to me.

Now, seriously? 'keng gai', is it that easy? Are you thinking that I'm able to forget whatever things one month earlier and talk to you in normal basis? Well, who knows? Perhaps you think that our relationship has slowly got back. But... seriously?

If you noticed, when I tagged you in my shirt of memories, I said "on behalf of my 2009 self", not the current self. Why? Because currently, you're not the whoever that was in the past. You may not noticed that: YOU CHANGED. What made you changed? Your schoolmates, your job, your ego, your... cosplay. Relax, I'm not like some certain T who wants you to change your personality (lolwhut is that even possible? =A=), but to be back who you are actually is the best thing for everyone that you had caused trouble at. But seriously, a lot of people (basically my jimuis) are disappointed at you. ME, especially. *shakes head*

But of course, you mentioned NOTHING of the above. *shrugs* Sadcasesind00d.

Oh well, since you start to talk to me, I shall reply you as well then. Like what I did with almost everyone else who talked to me. Yeap.

But note this: You have already created a huge scar in my past, and it's not gonna recover. Not and never. How to make it recover? Ohhhh, you wouldn't know how, didn't you? I'm not gonna tell. Please do THINK about it yourself. Something SO EASY. Something that you did the LEAST.

Wait.

Have you even done it before? Like, honestly?

Heh, I'm starting to doubt that. Your ego won't let you do it so easily. Not and never. And -I- know when you're being honest and when you're not. Oh, and you know what? Stop using the other's kindness for your own damn sake. My onie-sama isn't that easy to be fooled around with, okay? Please stop causing her trouble, and your own trouble. Thank you.



I'm done here.



===



To My Precious:
"我说一件事情，你答应我不要哭，不要情绪不好，不要逞强，不要打我好不好"
Daijoubu. I'm okay. I'm fine =3
I didn't cry, I didn't emo, I didn't Cheng Qiang...
And I will NEVER hurt you.
"就是，我们可以暂时别说感情的事情不？"
It's not hard, since I've already guessed that you would say something like this...
And perhaps, I was thinking about something even worse...
Perhaps that's why I'm not as hurt as you thought I'll be.
"我知道你喜欢我, 但是我还没弄清楚我对你的感情"
Well, actually, I'm not hurt at all. Haha.
"我都一直把你当妹妹…… 毕竟咱们刚认识"
I knew one day you would say something like this.
And I've already told you, I would rather look upon you as my Nii-chan,
Since I've already knew that you would look nothing beyond a sister at me.
"假如真的要进入那种关系, 可不可以, 先让大家放下心理的某些障碍后，在来说？"
I'm not sure if you actually need to apologize for that but...
I guess I'm alright about it.
And it's just cheeks, so don't worry.
"因为有时候，拿来比较会很难受的"
But...
"就暂时别谈感情的事情就好"
I never compare you to anyone, seriously.
You just reminded me--- not only me, Kou as well ---so much about that.
That's all.
"别哭噢~~~ 别为我流泪噢~~~ 真的不值得哦~~ "
I apologize for... you know, bringing that up a lot of times.
Though it wasn't intentionally... *sigh*
It just, reminded us of... that. OTL|||
"不过，你说要管我，你可以继续管下去~~~ 我不阻止…… ><"
But of course, no matter how much you reminded us of that,
You're really a different person. =3
And I'm happy about that.
"感谢你为我做的一切"
And you're pweety desu. PX
"好, 你不哭，我就好过点"
Oh, I guess I can still flirt around with you, can I? 8DDD *shot*
"要不然, 要不然, 我真的, 过意不去"
Okay, maybe not OTL|||
[All the above things she said is just part of the actual convo.]
By the way, yesterday when you came, if it wasn't because of your friend,
I would've invited you in but...
He was waiting (impatiently? Owo) outside so...
Yeah...
[I only pick the main points out for some kepoh people to see 8D]
I can't help you to collect the glasses anymore, so you sendiri go collect lar~
The CD, if you want a non-speech version at the back, just tell me lar~
And I have never eat panadol before so don't bother la 8DDD
[If that kepoh someone really want to know the whole convo...]
I'm getting better already, so don't worry---
Did you even worry? Hmm, I wonder...
Oh well, skip that asideee~
[Please do tell me. <3]
HAVE A NICE DAY DESU! <3
[Have a nice highlighting session 89999]


===

Phew, I finally typed everything that I wanted to say one (two?) days ago...
When I'm sick...
But didn't managed to OTL|||

Lalala~

Smile

Insert: Smile [Avril Lavigne]

Reasons that I smile...

Previously, I thought I can smile at mostly everything...
But after some while, I don't think it's really everything.
Well, no one can really smile at everything genuinely, no?

Yes, I'm always happy and the yada-yada-hen... but,
Hmmm... Recently... There's SO FEW people that can actually make me laugh...
And really feel happy to be with.

Firstly, my best friend / JI MUI / ENEMY-OF-MY-WHOLE-LIFE,
He's the one who's always by my side blahblahblah...
You know what? I've talked too much about him in the past,
And I don't want to be the third Michellephan 8DDD
So skip him LOLZZZ XDDDDDD
(Sorry eh Kou, but it's TRU PX)

Secondly, my JI MUI NO.2 / ONIE-SAMA / SEBAS-CHAAAAAN,
Aside for being there by my side and the yada-yada-hen...
She's basically my entertainment right now. 8DDD *kena piak*
SEEErious!!!
How?
Recently.............. ahhhh, You tau yourself arrrrr~~~ 8DDDDDD
And..........................................
You should REALLY just see the FACE man!!!
THE. FACE.
BY. YOUR. OWNNN!!!
It's so freaking AMUSING to see such a person with SUCH FACE.
Normally we're the one who kena tease kaokao,
But this time........................
Nyek. Nyek. Nyek.
*cough* Okay, to prevent me being KILLED by such a person,
I shall stop this right now. 89999999999

Thirdly.......
*sigh* I guess you people should know...
At least the OTHER TWO ABOVE know...
But I guess, for things like this,
Smile comes along with tears,
And...
Though I know that it won't last long...
I really DO enjoy everyday when I'm still in this relationship...
Well, if you really can call it a relationship, then yes, it is... kinda.
... ... ... ... ...Hmmmmm...
Whatever it is. *shrugs*
That's why I've done so much?
I'm not even sure...
Next time I should just buy a chocolate LOL!!! XDDDDD
でもさああ、本とに、戻のあいつ見たいよ。。。
お喋りの式。。。
特に英語をお喋りの式。。。
本間にあいつに見たい。。。
んんんんんんん。。。
まさか、あたし好きの人は全部こんなん見たいの人のかい？！=A=?!
全部は、自愛されないの人のかい？！
って言うか。。。
I was always watching over you, didn't I?
And... Did you just... entrusted that task towards me?! OAo?!
I mean, from what you said in FB...
And what does that really mean?
Does it mean that... Or... Uhhhh...
Hmmmm... Seriously, I have no idea.
And then you're STILL like that.
(BAH, stop thinking, stop thinking... *rustles hairs*)

The other reasons...
Hmmm...
I don't know.
Those are temporary stuffs, like jokes and so on so forth.
But for the real reason, I guess it's just that.

...maybe.

===

Okay, some random post~
Lalalalala~~~
Because I feel like typing~~~
Lalalalala~~~

SHOCKING TRUTHSSS!!! 8DDD

Insert: Fuwa Fuwa Taimu [by HTT]

After Nii-chan's birthday,
I went to find Onie-sama.
And............................

8DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

SHOCKING TRUTHSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!

I tell you, it's a FREAKING hell JI MUI talkshow man...

"But I tell you ah, very small oh..."
LMAO!!!
"Second one, we first day kiss already lor..."
LEGASP!!!
"They finally french kiss liao! After *counts* 4 years!!!"
INORITE?!

Okay, you probably don't understand my talks above.
BUT IT'S OKAY~~~ 8DDDDDDDD
As long as...

I heard something very de shocking...
I FINALLY knew something very de shocking...
I SAW SOMETHING VERY DE SHOCKING!!! (after we got back to the house)

Of course, aside from the "gossips" and experience sharings (lolwhut?!),
There's also some several moments of "fantoi",
Especially when Onie-sama talked about the EMO links...

Though we/someone probably just ended that link for her 8D

Aiyo, amai-amai liao jiu jiang de larrrrrr~~~
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight??? 8DDDDD
Mukekekekekekehhh~~~ >PPP

===

Anyway, if you're wondering why in such hours I'm able to talk with them and... things,
It's because I'm staying over at Onie-sama's house,
With some certain bear. 8DDD

And I'm just so LUCKY that Onie-sama is here...
Because if she's not here,
I won't be able to listen to something SO MUCH epically SHOCKINGGGG!!!

SHOCKING I tell you.

SHOCKINGGGGGGG!!!!!!!

The whole story? I'm not gonna tell~

Lalalalalaaaaa~~~ 8DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

PS: Sii yeh Koukoubeh. You DIAM la when people mau tidur ni! =A=!!!

Calculate...

Insert: Calc. - Piano Ver. (Riseha) [Originally by Hatsune Miku]

Okay, I'm going to cover the above song one day.
Because it somehow speaks how I felt right now.

itsuka kimi ni sasageta uta
ima ja kanashii dake no ai no uta
kaze ni fukare tonde yuke
bokura ga deaeta ano natsu no hi made

[The song that I once offered up to you
Is now a love-song which is just sorrowful
Go and fly away blown by the wind!
To that day of summer that we met]

*smirks*
Doesn't that exactly speaks of how I felt right now?
Konnan no kankei no naka de...
Sono kekkyoku wa nandesu tte...
Wakaranai.
Wakaranai.
Demo, sono kekkyoku wa...
Kesshite sabishii no mono,
Tsurai no mono...

This is not the first time I listened to this song.
Actually, when I typed "Enraged" (my previous PREVIOUS previous post),
Including the other "Enraged" post, the longer version.
I was listening to this song as well,
And it just made my mind easier to type these kind of "emo" posts.
Well, not to say "EMO" emo, but... yeah, you get the idea.

And it linked to by emo-brainwave since the first "Enraged".
Somehow nicely made me cry as well, haha...
It looped as I typed...... yeah.

I guess there's a reason why I like this song that much...
And so, I searched for the lyrics,
And I finally know why.

meguriai mo kekkyoku unmei de
subete wa sujigaki doori datte
tsugouyoku kangaeraretara
sabishiku wa nai no ka na
hajikidashita kotae no subete ga
hitotsu futatsu mujun wo tomonatte
mukou gawa he to tsudzuku michi wo keshisatte yuku

[The encounter was just our destiny after all
And everything went according to script
If I could think so conveniently
I wonder if I wouldn’t miss you
All of answers I calculated,
entailing conflicts one by one,
Is removing the ways to the far side]

===

If I could really calculate whatever that's going to happen in the future...
If I could really calculate all the answers correctly...
If I could really calculate......

Perhaps, right now, I will take this in the different way.

But, I've already knew it, didn't I?
This is not going to end good.
Since it's gonna end next year anyway.

That's the purpose I made the card, isn't it?
That's the purpose I write those words in the ending, isn't it?
That's the purpose I didn't bother re-doing it, isn't it?

Because it's gonna end anyway.

Then tell me why, dear heart, that you're so much in pain...
So much hesitation when you wrote the words in the ending...
So much depression as the card broke apart...



*sigh*



Official or non-official...
I guess that's not really the problem anymore.
Who cares, really?
Even if someone else DID care,
They can't do anything about it.
And please don't feel guilty if you do,
Because it's truly not your fault.
It's my fault because I can't do anything about it.
Whatever the others like, I can't overwrite it.
Whatever the others feel, I can't take it away.
So just be yourselves, I don't care.

Go on, be affectionate with each other.
Go on, fool around with each other.
Go on, I already knew what's gonna happen.

Go on...



*sigh*



Nasakenai na, atashi...

MOVING AROUND!!!!!!

Insert Playlist: Angel Beats

As the title suggested,
I'm moving around...
In my own house.

Currently, I've been moved back into the master bedroom,
That I used to sleep in, yes.
Which I let my bro to move in...
Then it became a guest room...
And the yada-yada-hen.

Now, it's MINE again!!! 8DDDDDDD

Yay?
Well, not really.
It's quite frustrating to make everything right and... yeah.
But after they're done...
It's really satisfying that you're happy... with... the outcome?

Nuh-uh, I tell you.

Though now, it's "livable",
There's still a need to buy new stuffs for this room. =w=
And it's NOT yellow OTL|||
Oh well, at least for SUCH a room,
Yellow would be a lil' bit hot LOL!
Light blue is sufficient. =3

At least it's not the UGLY blue. =<=
Or I'll PUKE.

So now, what I still need:

1. Phone line (It's either a longer + double-headed one, or REDO)
2. An FULL desk - with spaces to put printer, scanner, etc...
3. A SHELF!!! 8DDDDDDD
4. Extension chord... one more would be sufficient, I hope. X<

I guess that's all for now... Hmmm...

And things need to do when that happened is:

1. Move the mangas OTL|||
2. Reallocate the computer OTL||||||
3. Move the keyboard orzorzorz
4. Move the clothes...
5. Move the lil' stuffs...
6. Movemovemovemovemovemove............ *dies*

Oh well, as long as I think about what's gonna be in the end...
I guess...
It'll be fine??? OAo?!

Anyway, currently:
1. There's computer to use...
2. There's a bed to sleep...
3. There's a toilet to do your daily stuffs...
4. There's places to... toss your bags all around 8D
5. There's a mirror...
6. There's an unplayable drum-set...
7. There's ME!!! 8DDDDDDD *shot*

Okay, I need to stop being lame. =w=

CIAO YOU PEOPLE!
UNTIL NEXT TIME~~~
BUAH-BAIII~~~ <3