Fail.

Insert: Rolling Girl [by Hatsune Miku]

搞砸了。
彻底搞砸了。

然后，想要重做。
但是，手工艺术这东东。。。
毕竟不是本人擅长的事务。

没耐性去完成它。

很好。
很好啊，霊。
你还真成功啊。
成功地无可救药啊。。。

为爱人做的东西竟然给你搞成这样。
你成功阿你。
还跟我没耐性！
你。。。



死死算了吧你。



唉。。。。。。

怎么办呢？
就拿旧的交上去吗？
但是。。。。。。
这真的。。。

。。。
。。。
。。。

唉。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。

重做的话。。。
可能真的没有原本来的好诶。。。
怎么办，怎么办。。。

你爽阿你，明　霊！
你失败啊你，明　霊！

唉。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。



对不起，老婆。。。。。。
我真的彻底失败了。
OTL|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

Short outing... and PANIKKU!!!

Insert: Covers of Vocaloid songs

Okay, so... Yesterday...
Woke up 8 or 9 like that...
Oddly, early in the morning...
An SMS has already waiting for me to read.



:: The Scene ::

*wake up*

Hmm? Nii-chan kara no...

"Ohayou. Today what time you got class?"

Hmm...? Nande ikinari...? Maa... *replies*

:: End Scene ::



Then, went to FB and stuffs...
Keep on track of the time of course, since later I'm gonna shop with Kou...
For stuffs. Heh. (Himitsu desu~)

But around 10 something, I felt sleepy...
Lying on the bed...
Though I still continued SMS-ing with nii-chan.

Somehow... during my drifting off in my sleepy mode...
I'm too tired to reply my nii-chan. (Gomen ne? PX)
Suddenly, I heard a second message.



:: The Scene ::

*sleeping mode*

*phone rang*

Mmmm... another message...

...wait. Second message? From nii-chan?

Now that's odd.

*hesitating to wake up to take a look, because body is not responding*

*at the end took a look, because it's Nii-chan's*

"Finish class. You free?"

Wait. Nii-chan's asking me whether I'm free?!
Waitwaitwait. Is... Is Nii-chan going to ask me out?!
ZOMGZOMGZOMG, DOU SHIYOU?!

My answer: "Huh, sorta... why?"

ZOMGZOMGZOMGZOMGZOMG...
(Such a difference from words and reality, lol?)

*jumped up from my bed and went to the toilet*

Hmmm... It's almost 12...
I had a meeting with Kou later...
Nii-chan, if you really want to date me out,
Please be faster---

*PHONE RANG! IT'S A CALLING THEME!!!*

Oshootoshootoshoot!!! *still in the toilet*

(This is why I took some time to answer your call, Nii-chan. PX)

*called you back*

Me: *in a sleepy voice* Hmmm? [Insert Nii-chan real name here], what's up?
(Okay, why did I did that? I'm very sure I'm awake that time...)
Nii-chan: Har? You're still asleep ah?
Me: Huh? Hmm... No lar... Why?
Nii-chan: Ehhh... No lar... are you free right now?
Me: Yeah... Why?
Nii-chan: Oh, nothing. I just wanna call you out.
Me: Huuuh... Where? Times?
Nii-chan: If you want~
Me: Oh... Okay. 'cause I called Kou to wait me there as well.
Nii-chan: Har? Why de?
Me: Ahh, don't care about it. Anyway, he 1230 off.
Nii-chan: Ohh... I now off already... But reach there also around that time lar.
Me: Oh okay. We meet up later la.
Nii-chan: Okay~

*convo off*

SHIT!!! SHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT!!!
NII-CHAN REALLY IS DATING ME OUT!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~~~~~~~

PREPARE NOW!!! *rushing around*
Ehh ehh ehh... Wear what wear what--- AHHH! You!!!
AND YOU!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~~~
Ehhh ehhhhhh ehhhhhhhhhhhhh...
AH YES! I NEED THIS AND THIS!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~~~~~

AHHHH!!! THE TIE!!! THE DAMN TIEEE!!!
WHERE'S THE TIIIEEEE?!?!?!

*yells to downstairs*
"[Insert Maid Name Here]!!! Where's my tie?!"
"Huh? You mean the hat---"
"Nonononono! I mean tie, tieeee!!!"
"Oh, I go find..."
"Okay, faster!"
*continue my dress up*

Okay... Okay... AHA! Tie is here! Good...
...WHY THE TIE BECOME SO CHAM LIAO?!
SHIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEETTTTT!!!!
How to tie this damn thing... Uhh... Uhhh...
DAMMIT!
*text Kou about helping me tie the tie later*

Okay okay... Now...
OH! WATER!

*yells to downstairs, again.*
"[Insert Maid Name]!!! Prepare a bottle of water for me!"
"Har? You want---"
"YESYESYES! A BOTTLE OF WATER! OKAY!!!"
*continue my rushes*

Okay... I need this... OH! Kou's stuffs!!!

"[Insert Maid's Name Again]!!! I NEED A PLASTIC BAG--- owait.
DON'T NEED DON'T NEED! I HAVE IT MYSELF!!!"
*mass searching plastic bag from my drawer*
*literally--- owait. I actually THREW Kou's stuffs into the bag!
And it has a loud "cling" sound...
The sound of glass hitting something...*

.......WHATEVER.
I'm sorry Kou, but...
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~~~

Okay okay... Now to switch off my computer... *shut down button, click*
...wait.
MY ASSIGNMENTS! SHOOT!!!
NONONONONO! DON'T SHUT DOWN!!! DON'T SHUT DOWN---
SHYYYYYT you damn computer...!!!
ON ON ON ON ON!!! *mass spamming the on-button*
YES! IT'S BACK ON!!!
Okay... Okay... My assignments... Yes, yes, you... and you...
Copy, paste... AHA!
Now you can shut down.

*WENT OUT!!!*

:: End Scene ::



So basically, it was a PANIC scene.
PANIC like mad.
I can't believed that I panicked so much about this...

GAH! I never panic like this madly... since I remembered... =A=!!!
I even went until I cut lines from the third to the first and vice versa...
Just to get to TS as soon as possible.

Gosh... What's wrong with me? *shakes head*

And thanks to my panic...
I spat water out during my driving.
And it's ON THE SPOT.

Shyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeet.

Now, even my parking is a RUSH.
See no cars, ZOOOOOOOM STOP!
Normally, it takes me more than 3 move in and reverse to get the parking right.
But this time... ONE SHOT, gao dim. Owo

Walaoooooo......

What's wrong with me wei... owO

Anyway, grabbed Kou's stuffs to hide my water stains,
I RUSHED upwards.
INTENTIONALLY skipping Subzero, where Nii-chan was...
And patiently (or, panickally) waited for Kou...
To get my tie done, and the stain to dry...

Apparently, the tie is okay...
But the stain is NOT.
UGH! I'm so embarassed to let go of the plastic bag...

Normally I wouldn't care...
I mean, it's just a water stain!
No big deal.
(Ask Kou if you're wondering if I really care... which I really don't. NORMALLY)
But somehow...
In front of Nii-chan...
I just........

*embarassed*

*cough* That aside...

After meeting with Nii-chan, we went for rounds and rounds...
To search for a place to makan.
But somehow... Kou just bring us rounds and rounds and rounds...
Until we beh tahan need to go toilet. =w=

Kou, anta wo KOROSU. Itsuka...

Ah, toilet.
Another part where I panicked and DASH.
Because I don't want Nii-chan to notice the stains...

...damn. What's wrong with me?! *shakes head again*
I normally didn't care!
WHY NOW?!
GAHHH!!!
*headdesk*

Anyway, at the end, we crossed towards Sg. Wang...
Ahhh~ Nii-chan no te--- IYA CHIGAU!
Tsuzuke! Tsuzuke!!! =///=

So, we eat Teppanyaki...



I... I very wu yan at the services... =w=



So, in Teppanyaki...
They serve us rice first,
Then the meat...
So my salmon fish come first.
Though it doesn't taste exactly what I wanted,
But it's still not bad. =3

So...
As I was happily eating my salmon fish...
Suddenly...
*WHOOSH!*

Came out a bunch of vegetables ON TOP of my salmon fish.

...
...
...

Uhuh. *popping veins*
Ni. Hen. Hao.
I. YAAAAAANNNNN.......

The other two are laughing like mad,
And REPLAYING whatever my reaction towards that is.
Me?

I smile smile to my own plate...
And...
*makan vegetable dulu*

I can't even SEE my salmon through all these bean sprouts.
*sigh*
Nevermind that...

We had a pretty good time in the restaurant. =3
Joking and fooling around...
And argue over a pot of green tea (lolwhut)
But of course, Nii-chan doesn't understand what we're saying.
She just ignored us for most of the time 8DDDDDD *shot*

Gosh, I'm so bad. PX

Gomen ne, nii-chan~ <3



When we finish our meals, it's nearly my time for class.
So... we didn't really manage to buy anything.
Though Nii-chan still NEEDS to shop for stuffs.
Then I said "Why not Kou stay behind and accompany nii-chan?"
So... yeah. I went back alone.

ZWOOSH!

Yeap, I rushed back again. PX

And I'm SO lucky that I didn't miss the class 8D
YAAAAAAAAAAY~~~
But the class is getting harder and harder...
And MUCH confusing than ever =o=|||

That's why I end up brainfarting in Kou's room afterwards.
And I don't even know what to tell them...
Except for "damn, my subject is HARD."

Soshite...
Hitotsu no mono wo wasuretanda...
Kanojo to kissu shitai...

GAH!!!

NANI WO KANGAETANDA ATASHI?!
URUSEE URUSEEEEEE!!!!!!!
DAMARE!!!!!! DDDX

*cough* Anyway, after that...
Kou and I had our own mamak/yamcha/DINNER? time.
Talked about a lot of stuffs... Hmmm...
Yeap, too much. *smirk...?*

And then... we went for LM to shop for some things =3

Yeap, that's basically the end of the day.

Except for... well, I found out something died inside of me this very day.

I've wrote it in the other post. Feel free to check it out PX

My Heart Has Died. HAHAHAHAHA!

Insert: Eh? Aa, sou. - Yamai cover [originally by Hatsune Miku]

::: PRELUDE :::

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA~~~
THIS. IS. JUST. SO. FUNNY!!!
Okay, I just heard the BEST JOKE of my life... kinda, EVER!
Like... Yesterday?
Or was it the day before yesterday?
That somebody actually fall for that PREVIOUS SOMEONE!!!

ZOMG. I LAUGH DIE LIAO.

Can you actually believe that?

I mean, the way the previous someone is RIGHT NOW,
Is SO NOT cool at all.
I mean... Oh well, you wouldn't understand that.

And I, don't understand, how somebody can like that someone? =w=???

Anyway...
You know what's the best thing?
I CONGRATULATE THE BOTH OF THEM!!!

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA~~~ XDDDDD

*cough* Sorry, I had to control myself.
And the oddest part is...

IT DOESN'T HURT!!! 8DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIII~
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIII~~~
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIII~~~~~~

::: Main Theme :::

Huh.

哈。

My heart really died down thoroughly.

没想到这么容易得就淡了。

Shocking, and surprising.

真的。。。好惊讶。

But it's a good thing. PX

是好事吗？

Well, it's not good to dwell on the past...

我不确定，但。。。

Especially not for someone that had changed so much...

对于一个我很确定不会爱上我的人。。。

And comes to hurt you like mad...

而且还泼了我一生冷水的人。。。

Though the only reason of me hesitating, is because of our friendship.

这可能是件好事呢。。。

But you know what?

哈，想让我死心还真简单呢。。。

This person is really not the same person as before.

只要不再给我希望，就好了。

I can't even be a friend to this person anymore.

就这么简单。

Self-centered, selfish, self-conscious... oh wait. This is a good point.

但是。。。

Anyway, I'm done with it, since that day.

她的确赢走了我的心。

Nii-chan wa iu tori na, hito ga kawaru naraba...

而且，我们什么都没说过。

Kimochi mo, kawatta.

那就暂时这样吧。

Itsumade mo suki no hito wa ano toki no hito.

而我，也会尽量做个好情人。。。

Ima no hito janai dakara ne...?

让彼此都不会有遗憾。。。

Dakara kokoro ga shinchatta.

。。。吧。。。？

En! Kitto, sore da yo.

Insert: 他不爱我 [by Karen Mok]

Maa, kioku wa...

他不愛我 牽手的時候太冷清 擁抱的時候不夠靠近

Yappari, kioku dake da yo na...

他不愛我 說話的時候不認真 沈默的時候又太用心

Nani mo, kawari nai yo.

我知道他不愛我 他的眼神 說出他的心

Honjitsu dakedo, genjitsu de wa nai.

我看透了他的心 還有別人逗留的背影

他的回憶清除得不夠乾淨

Sore wa, saigou no kotoba datta.

我看到了他的心 演的全是他和她的電影
他不愛我 儘管如此 他還是贏走了我的心

Sayonara, taisetsu no hito yo--- iya.
Motto no taisetsu no hito.
Mou, kawatta no hito.

我知道他不愛我 他的眼神 說出他的心

Sayonara.

我看透了他的心 還有別人逗留的背影
他的回憶清除得不夠乾淨
我看到了他的心 演的全是他和她的電影

Eh?

他不愛我。。。
Ah,
儘管如此。。。
Sou.
他還是贏走了。。。
XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
我的心。。。。。。。

:: Outro (Written in May 11) ::

This is... interesting.
Thanks to my curiosity, I asked somebody about how someone talked about me.
Since, well, apparently someone is spitting venom at me.

So, I asked.
And I laughed at the replies.
Why laughed? Well...
It's very simple... because, so much that it might be true...
It's just purely a way to blame me for whatever had became towards us right now.
How funny is that?

Hey, you're the one who didn't apologize nor show any gratitude.
You can't blame me for having my heart sank since that day.
And now you're twisting some things...
Just because you don't really understand WHAT exactly happened.
Or what I'm really thinking, nor what I really am.

You just DON'T know me.

And you said everything as if you knew me 100%.
I can tell you somethings that you're wrong.
Though there's one thing you're right about me: I'm lazy.

That's the only thing you EVER correct about me.

Me being having lacks of seriousness, commitment and initiative?
Oh, you just DON'T know me.
I had been serious, I had committed, and I AM initiative.
But that's only happening when I really think that this is gonna work...
...or rather, something that I really wanted.
And you're NEVER there when I'm all that.

You ask Kou, you ask my schoolmates.
They saw that, but you don't.
Because you're always ignoring whatever I'm doing and thinking.

Because you WANT to isolate yourself from me as much as possible.

You never really step into my world and feel what I feel.

Oh, before anyone talks about it: I AM NOT DEBATING.
Stating the truth out and debating whether the fact is real/acceptable is DIFFERENT.

Anyway, you accused me for being all those, fine.
Because to you, it might seemed as that.
You accused me as the main reason why our friendship broke apart, huh.
Because to me, you're the reason I decided to break it apart.

Have you thought of that?
Have you reflected on what you really done to the others?
Hurting them so much that you can't believe you've did it?
Oh, I can tell you, you really hurt a lot of people even if you don't know.
Or maybe you knew, but you just DON'T care.
It might not be the truth for you, but in my eyes, that's how it is.

I see what I see, I said what I see.

You did the same at me, and I shall do the same at you.

No more sympathizing, because you definitely don't deserve it.

Revenge is sweet, eh?
To you, of course.
I was merely blocking your venom with my laughter.
You will found out neither of your words get through me,
Because I had totally immune to you.
As I have totally cut ties of us in my heart since that day.

You? You're still lingering.
You won't accept the fact that I turned love into hate.
You won't accept the fact that I really gave up on you.
You just won't accept them.

Because if you really do accept it, you won't be talking bad about me.

It's because you still care about this case, that's why.

So why, instead of shooting venom at me,
You THINK of what's wrong with yourself.
Oh no, don't tell me there's nothing wrong with you,
Because if there's nothing wrong with you, no one would hate you so much.

Until the point their hearts are frozen and the ties were slowly grazed off.



...now, come to think about it, I should make this as another new blog post.
Oh well, who cares?
They're related anyway. *shrugs*



And so, if you really DON'T CARE about it anymore...
Why did you stop by my blog and take a look at them?
*rollseyes*

Anyway, until the day you finally apologized to me,
Which of course, in my opinion, it will never happen because...
"I have done nothing wrong! Why should I apologize? You're the one who needed to do so!"
Yeap, that's what you'll say. In my HUMBLE opinion. *grin?*
And so, I shall not be hoping for that day to come.
But if that day came... hmmm...

Depends on which language you're saying to me.
And how much sincerity you had in your words.
I might consider......



By the way, before you even tried to speak worse stuffs at me.
Think of how much I've done for you.
How much times, money, and heart I spent on you.

Oh wait, you won't even think that those are my efforts.
Because you DON'T care.
*nods nods nods*

Oh well, I'm just merely speaking on behalf of my died heart here.

And this might be the very last time I ever write about you anymore.

Because, seriously, there's nothing much interesting to write about anymore.

*smirks.*

A... date?

Insert: Suki, Daisuki (Remix Ver.) [originally by Kagamine Rin]

So, that day is May 2nd...
Thanks to dearest for reminding me =w=
Since dear wrote a blog about this day......

I'm thinking, why not?

As a response to my dear's blog... haha... =v=

Actually... I realized something from my dear's blog...

The "dear" in the blog is different from the pre-May one... Hmmm...
That's why I kept on saying that dear doesn't really like me in that way...

===

Oh well, it's not like I can do anything about it...
Though I really wished that my dear can at least specify... whatever.
*sigh*

It's a holiday... yes...

My dearest dated me out... Mmm...
Originally, I can't go out de...
Mana tau, I ask my mom early in the morning:

Me: Mom, later had a Furniture Fair... *still in sleepy mode*
Mom: Oh, then ask your sis' see if she wanted to go lar.
Me: ...har??? *gave her a face... I dunno how it was... anyway*
Mom: Oh, you're going out alone izzit? Okay la. Go la.

The end of conversation...... very interesting indeed. *blinks*

Maybe she hasn't thought of me that way yet......

And so, thanks to my genes, I arrived there SUPER early...
Even though I took the longest road OTL|||

Ah, oh well... I can't really do anything about it.

So dear ah,
It's not your fault =3
It's just me being too much earlier...
So don't mind, okay? ^w^

What a complicated triangle relationship...

I waited at TS for dear's dad to pick me up...
Chatting with Kou along the way...
And found out that dear was chatting with him as well. =<=?!

Zadao...

So, after I get on the car...
They went for breakfast.
Okay.
I've ate with my parents in the morning already.
Okay.
I can wait for them.
Okay.

But then... dear ah...

Nii-chan ga onie-sama ga suki...

Why you order Fishball Kuey Teow TENG (AKA Soup) again?!

Atashi naraba onie-sama ga ren'ai koto wo hanashii...

Oh, FYI, my dad ordered that in the same morning.
But... dear ah...

Why you gave me the fishball... again...?

My dad did that the same morning, again.

And the funniest thing is...

They're BOTH Geminis...... OTL?!

Onie-sama naraba nii-chan no kimochi shittenai...

*sigh* So... that... aside...

We went to our TRUE destination: KLCC.
But before I continue, let me comment on dear's dad's parking skill...
I can only say: WALAO EH, CHUN DAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOO!!! OAO!!!!!!!

I literally stunned there when I saw how my dear's dad park the car.

Oh, but there's something I don't understand...
Why did I become the laughing point of my dear's family? =w=???

Nantoka... kurushii na, atashi...

So, I was dragged (Yes, DRAGGED) by my dear on my WRIST... (Ouch?)
Crossing the roads, and... yeah. (I can never know how a person can walk so fast with heels.)
Luckily later I had a better holding way with my dear... mhmm. *nodsnods*

But seriously... Dear...
I know my height had a lil' bit of problem...
And you're too tall for me... (Not to mention your heels =w=)
But please...
Don't grab on my wrist again? Q3Q Onegai?
Chotto... itai desu...... ;3;

So, we're here in KLCC...
But not for long, until we feel like going to IKEA (which at the end did not happen to go... haha.)
Thanks to that... byebye RM10... for the taxi... to get back to TS...

Sowwie dear... QwQ

Maa, ii ka......

I grabbed my car, and drove my dear back to e@Curve.
Surprisingly, it only took 15 mins... thanks to dear for the short-cut *loves*
But I already forgot about the shortcut 8DDD *shot*

So, we lepak a while in Tenshi first...
Before decided to go to Paddington House of Pancakes.

You mau piccies?
I takda.
If you know my dear's blog, you go see see yourself.
Because I'm lazy. *smirks*

Anyway, in a very short way...
My salmon + pancake is awesome, dear's is... uhh... like that lor. 8D
The desert is awesome, the appetizer is... uhh...... vomitable. *nods*
The drink... dear don't like it, I have no comments, so it's... uhh... hmm. =3?

Well, foods aside... it was enjoyable.

...
...
...

No, it's not because dear it's there that's why it's enjoyable.
It's just that, well, the situation--- I mean, the place is nice so it's enjoyable.
Seriously not because of dear is there.
Yes, it's not because of dear is there.

Let it be for a while...

SO DON'T TEASE ME AGAIN DAMN YOU KOUKOUBEAR. =///=

And let's see how it works...

*cough* Anyway, back to the topic...

Where was I? Ahh yes.

So after lunch, we went back to Tenshi...
Just to found out that Onie-sama is having a break.
Oh, did I mention that I FINALLY...
FINALLY...
FINALLY... Get to see Onie-sama in MOEMOEMAID fuku???
8DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Kesenai yo, Onie-sama~ <3

*cough* Anyway~ Continue~~~

I went to Dear's house...
Wah, Dear's house is biiiig... O0O
I mean, the living room...
Got karaoke summore =A=!!!
Envynyaaaaa....... =3=

And I suddenly become her sister's karaoke kaki?! OAo?!
Kore wa zettai ni HEN desu... hen... *shakes head*
Kinittenai dakedo... hmmm...

Anyway... In dear's room...
Maa, kanojo ga nani mo ienai kara... Atashi mo onaji da yo ne~
Demo, ureshii katta....... hanarenai you na...

Shashin ga aru naraba motto ii no kana...... Hmm.

It's until 8p.m. (what my dear said =<= Because I forgot about it...)
I went home...
Following the map that dear gave me...
And the BLOODY Malaysia road-signs.

Malaysia road-sign, you FAIL.

Because you brought me to Kinrara again.

Seriously, WHADDAFUCUK?!?!?! =A=?!

Thank god I'm smart enough to turn into Sri Petaling...
And ask for Onie-sama's help PX
Arigatou ne, Onie-samaaa~ <3<3<3

Then... it's already ONE FRIGGIN' HOUR later...
I returned home, and told my dear that I actually lost liao LOL
Then she told me she forgot a very important point that's why I lost.

...
...
...

=<=?!

Dear oh dear.......
Ah dear........
I........... I'm speechless OTL|||

But still, it's Malaysia's fault.
Because I chose to trust my instincts AND Malaysia so...
I can't blame you for that. X<

And dear ahhh...

Maa, ii yo... Mou owattanda deshou, kono hi...

When I realized/convinced that I'm lost, I'm already at Kinrara...... =3=
So it's not that I don't want to call you...
I just... don't want to mafan you...

Tsugi wa motto ganbare ba ii yo na?

Gomen ne, anata <3

I will sure be more cautious next time. <3<3<3

Differences......

Insert: Nee [originally by Hatsune Miku]

Difference about my… uhh… current and the previous someone…

1. I am able to recite the current REAL name for N times without feeling awkward about it… yet sweet and warm… Shoot. *hides face*
2. I am able to draw my current out and feel good about it. *proud~*
3. I can chat from morning until night with my current… even though it’s just SMS or whatsoever…
4. I am willing to spend times just to choose one song (not to mention trial and errors) and cover that song for my current someone…
5. I am actually willing to draw out a manga-like stuff for my current……………. Uhh, Kou should know about this. PX
6. I am willing to stay until midnight just to wait for my current… (unless I’m too tired, of course… though I still reply SMSes… Hmmm…)
7. I actually looked at my current’s picture before I sleep… Gosh. *hides face x2*
8. Of course I don’t look at my current’s pictures all the time--- well maybe, yes, but still… Uhh… Whatever. *hides face x3*
9. I am willing to spend times looking at clothes and thinking what should I buy for my current……
10. And I’m actually willing to D.I.Y. for that. *slaps head* Seriously, what am I thinking??? It’s so hard and I don’t know how to do them! Ugh…

Uhuh.
And those, were NEVER been done or felt with that previous someone.
Or rather, I never spend so many time and energy to do such things for that previous someone…
Though I did write songs and such but still… Hmmmmmm… It’s just… different.
I’m actually doing things that I’m NOT GOOD in… just to, perhaps… impress this current someone???

…
…
…
…
…
…

Okay, I’m certainly making a fool out of myself now.

Can somebody just kill me?

*is too embarassed*



However… This someone right now has another person occupied in the heart.
And… at the mean time, I can’t remove it.
Neither I can replace it.

Perhaps that’s why some times I just don’t know how to react towards the kindness that I felt.
Because, I knew that, this was not meant for me but for someone else…
Still……..



To That CURRENT Special Someone:

Replying to your question, I must say that you had splashed me a huge bucket of ICY COLD water.
Yes, I don’t feel hurt, but still…
You took down 50% of the fires that’s burning in me.

And that’s NOT GOOD.

Oddly, even after you did that…
I can still… hmm… Like what Kou said:
“You’re still willing to do so much for your dearest…”

Well, maybe not yet my dearest…
But I’m slowly accepting it.
Of course, the main reason of NOT accepting it was because that you’re still liking another person.

Yes, that’s the sole reason.

Not the fact that I don’t understand how I feel about you.

Though I was forcing myself to control it… and failed. *sigh*

And yes, your kindness is killing me.
Because I knew that you don’t love me…
But you’re still willing to do so many things for me…

(Off-Topic: Hey, that actually sounds like Kou’s case! 8DDDDD *shot*)

I thank you for that, yes, I really do.
And there IS a reason why I told you, initially, to tell me about how you feel AFTER your birthday.
Because… well, I might find this present doesn’t really suit this situation somehow.
But it’s okay, I guess I’ve improvised it somehow.

Now… To tell you something…
That I was either too embarassed or forgot to tell you…

1. When I first hear you talk about your past, you said they’re sweet memories. But to me… It’s as if that you’re actually hurting deeply from those sweet memories… That’s why I feel like going over to you to kiss you and to hug you. And… if I can, I wished to recreate those kind of memories with you, though… well, the roles are kind of different right now. I can’t never be the one that you loved the most of now and then. Still, I hoped to try… Hmmm…

2. When I slept over in your house the first day, you have NO IDEA how much that I don’t want to leave your bed… not just because I’m sleepy, but you’re at there with me. I really loved the way to teased me and hugged me, because… other than no one had done that before, I felt secure and fun about those things. Seriously, it’s like the best experience ever. Not even hugging Kou can get me this kind of secure. And… somehow, since that day onwards, I no longer think of too much fantasies in my brain (because I have nothing better to think of =w=) which hurts my brain and made me insomnia during the night time / whenever I’m sleepy. Yeap, thanks to you. <3

3. When I first called you, I’m VERY DISAPPOINTED that the freaking phone cut us off at exact point of one hour and thirty minutes. Seriously, WHAT?! *rolls eyes* I wasn’t expecting that, and DAMN I still have so much to talk to… *sigh* Oh well, at least we’re still able to talk after that… Hmmm… Oh, did I mentioned that I love your laughter? Even though the others might say that it’s too exaggerating/kua-cheong or whatsoever……… I actually liked it. And missed it…… HECK, I never liked anyone’s laughter before… What the hell?! *hides face*

4. When you decide to “discuss” about that 15 damn things I listed out… I am… laughing SOOO embarrassed that I’ve never felt this way. Oh my gosh, I still can’t believe that I actually wrote those stuffs and YOU’RE discussing about that. *hides face* Damn… This is so embarrassing…… Ugh. *shakes head furiously* Though… I really am wondering if you really wanted to do that freaking 15 things… (though you summarized it only as ONE single thing which is number 15… and makes me so much more embarassed about it… =///= )

5. When you said that you’d do anything for me to prevent myself having any regrets… I really am happy, and felt bitter about it. Happy, because you’re actually willing to do so. Bitter, is because you did it not because you love me. *siiigh* And I kinda felt guilty about it, because… well… yeah… Hmmm…… You can help me out but I can’t………………. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm……………………….

6. When I heard that you’re with other people, to be honest……………. I’m jealous, yes. That’s why I start to SMS you weird stuffs and talk so… uhh… formal. And I actually didn’t expect you to call me not to NOT choi you and… well… apologize. Yeah. It makes my heart melt, seriously. <3 Ahh… best memory of that day <3<3<3

I… guess… that’s… all? Owo

Now…

Let me find a hole and dig into it. =///=

Mukatsuku...

Yes, I’m frustrated. Because my dearest has been frustrated about some people as below:



1. A Devil.

=== Seriously, stop being such a prideful person and stop all kinds of negative things that you posted in your status. And I really hate to talk with you because you’re certainly annoying and dislike to admit defeat… or rather, you just WON’T accept whatever the others said about you. You WON’T accept whatever is wrong about you. You just WON’T accept. Please don’t tell me it’s your pride of your horoscope, because that WON’T help AT ALL. If you really like my dearest, please at LEAST get an actual answer from it instead of just lurking around and spamming your own status about how much you have hurt blah blah blah and you didn’t feel like trusting people anymore blah blah blah… Whatever. Even one of my best friend said that you’re ANNOYING. *rolls eyes*

=== Maybe I got the wrong idea or whatsoever, but seriously, GET A FREAKING DAMN ANSWER. If you’re turned down, think of WHY you’re turned down, not just spamming your status about how much you hurt again blah blah blah I don’t want to be hurt again blah blah blah I don’t believe in love blah blah blah… wait. This phrase sounds familiar. Oh, I’ve typed it just now. Mmhmm. Just to note that how repititive your status is. But whatever… That’s not the main point. The point is: GET YOUR FREAKING BRAIN TO START THINKING WHY YOU’RE REJECTED. Thank you.



2. A Bugger.

=== If you had a problem with your DAMN assignments… please DO do it yourself. My dearest already said “I don’t know” and turned you down. But what did you do? Calling my dearest from midnight until the next day that my dearest was forced to SHUT OFF the phone because of freaking YOU. Oh my EFFing god. Can’t you get anymore annoying than you are? Thanks to YOU, I can’t call nor text my dearest for half of the day since morning until the afternoon… though it’s very lucky that I’m on MSN, my dearest is on MSN and I did not went out during that time… Or else, I really feel like taking a knife and SHOVE it into your FREAKING throat… Grrrr……



3. An Idiot.

=== Selfish and Self-centered. Yes, you are. Don’t you deny your flaws… Don’t you DARE deny that… I don’t even know why we’re even friends right now--- oh wait. Are we? I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to say that, but you have make me no choice. Since the day you step into that place, you’ve changed so much that even I felt annoyed by you. Yes, ANNOYED. I never felt that before, but since that day, you seriously made me turn your good points upside-down and I start to hate you FOR REAL. But it’s okay, I’m very kind. I will just forget whatever debts you owe me in the past… just let me speak of my words and I’ll be done. Mmhmm.

=== Anyway, back to the topic… Please, get ON your DAMN phone. Let people CONTACT you. Listening musics in your freaking DAMN car wasn’t the best choice AT ALL. You’re wasting your DAMN batteries, destroying your own FREAKING ears, and other people’s times. Why? As you depleted your battery, no one can contact you. As you destroyed your ears, no one can call you. But nobody knew about all those, and still wasting their times to TRY and contact and call you. See the fact there? Uhuh. That’s it. So, because of your stupid acts, you have made my dear unable to contact you, and thanks to that, you have been hated more. Mmhmmmm.

=== Now, what happened if someone borrowed you stuffs? You return them, of course. But… Do you know that there’s an invisible time limit about that…? Please, after using the stuffs that you borrowed, return it ASAP [As Soon As Possible], not ALAP [As Late As Possible]. I’m not sure what I’ve owed the others, because I really DO forgot about them… But if one reminded me, I’ll return it ASAP. And so, please QUICKLY return whatever you’ve rent from my dearest and give it back… or I’ll start wasting my time to contact you… I won’t like that, neither do I like to talk to you right now (because we always end up arguing), but if I don’t have a choice… Mmhmmmmmm.



=== === === === === === === === === ===



Now... my own frustration...

1. My Dad.

=== Oh come on dad... Stop debating on the things that we DIDN'T say... And even though we did say those stuffs, and it's very childish, can't you take it as a joke or something? We're just having fun then you suddenly had a serious discussion about... something you thought we said but actually you're mishearing what we're saying. And you know what's the worse thing? YOU DON'T LISTEN TO US. *rolls eyes* Gah, dad... please...

=== This is why I dislike talking to him. *slaps head* Oh, and mom, if you're going to talk about me speaking like that towards you (quote my dad today: "Go to read the newspaper and watch the TV shows for these general knowledge! Stop asking me these childish questions!"), blame my dad for ME, and MY SIS, for saying that to you. Because, we're his daughters and we learn from him. *sarcasm*



2. My Sister

=== Sis, I knew that you had a morning temper... or whatsoever... But, hey, today's "Mother's Day", can't you speak a lil' bit better towards her in the phone? *rolls eyes* Even I didn't argue with her today and accompany her for Bak Kut Teh (though it was my dad's idea instead of what my mom actually wanted, but that aside). You didn't do anything nor did you bring her out for shopping... damn. *scorns*



3. My Maid

=== She had a phone. Yes, she had a phone, out from no where. It's very dangerous, I know. That's why I also know that I can't let her be alone in the house for 2 days when my whole family are going to Singapore... I mean, who knows whom she's going to call and what will happen if THAT really happened??? Owo And damn, why I be so nice to her and didn't tell my family that she owned a phone out from no where? *slaps head* Thanks to this phone, I think, her passionate for working has decreased by freaking 80%... She WAS so good when she first came. But now...? Haiz. I don't even wanna talk about it. *headachessssss...*

=== And so, because of this... I need someone to accompany me for 17th - 19th next month...... I wonder who can accompany me...... though I really hope my dearest or my bestie can teman me for 3 days... X< Kou, feed me for these 3 days? Pweety pweeeease?????? X<<<

=== Or... dear, hold me to sleep for these 3 days.......? QwQ Nyuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu~~~~~~ Me no want to be aloooooooneeee~~~~~~~ *insert song: "All By Myself"*



=== === === === === === === === === ===



And so...... I really wonder if these frustration can come to an end. Hmmm...
But of course, things are always NOT EASY to be handled of. *facepalm*

Oh well, what to do?

There's nothing to do.

BUT TO SPEAK THEM OUT.

That's why I write blogs. Mwahahahahahaha~ 8DDDDDDDDDDDDD

Okay, I'm so bad. OTL|||

Oh! Oh! Before I end everything......

不要对号入座哦~

Koishichattanda...?

Insert: CHE.R.RY [By YUI]

Have you done/felt this towards someone before...?

1. SMS with that someone from morning until the night.
2. Call that someone everyday just for fun.
3. Things just couldn't be express through phone.
4. Want to meet that someone right now.
5. Reciting that someone's name over and over again in your heart.
6. Even though it's embarrassing, you put that someone's picture as your phone's wall.
7. Squeal and hug and kiss the phone because there's the picture of that someone.
8. Laugh embarrassed when that someone spoke of something so true about you.
9. Able to hug that someone to sleep without wanting to wake up.
10. Did not want to leave that someone even though it's already the time for it.

And et cetera...



You know what?
Those are what I'm feeling right now.

And I only realized that today.

Oh my, I never thought that I would fall in love with someone...
Perhaps it's just a mere crush, but still...

The warmth of being embraced by someone...
The kindness that you felt after being rejected by someone else...
The happiness of calling someone's name without feeling any awkwardness...



Seriously, I think I'm really in love.



I don't believe that at first, because... well...
I've just... kinda... "ended" something like, a few days prior this...
Then suddenly this came and I'm very shocked about the "question"...

And for this someone's sake, I shall do it then.

At first I thought it's going to be something like a game of some sort but...
I guess I was beaten by my own game...
Or rather, I've fallen into the trap in this game...



Odd, I've been trying hard to ignore that someone...
Because I knew that it won't be true...
But somehow...

It just came to me.

I must be so pathethic right now. OTL|||



And more than one people might hate me right now. =w=

Nii-chan, tasukete~~~ ;A;

===


I really feel like singing one song towards that someone:

"4 Real", by Avril Lavigne.

" 'cause I'm for real, are you for real?
I can't help myself, that's the way I feel...
When you look me in the eyes like you did last night,
I can't stand to hear you say goodbye..."

I know that THAT someone might not be serious about this...
And was just asking for fun...
But...



It seemed like I fell into the trap.

And I know, it's NOT good.

Because I've fallen in love with someone that I shouldn't be loving.

And that person still have someone else in the heart.

And that's not me. *sigh*

But well, at least I'm having a lesser stuff in my back right now.
And... at least that someone still treats me fair.
Unlike some certain OTHER someone which I've thrown it away.



Even though it might ends in the wrong way,
But I guess I can let it go...

Because I have no more regrets.......

But until that day, let me be a selfish princess for the moment...
And enjoy your kindness until the very end of THAT day...

Until that day...