For Her Sake

Insert: 4 Real (by Avril Lavigne)

I guess... I really should make a choice by now.
Whether I should leave her, or just stay by her side.
But really, what I really wanted was just...
I just want her to be happy.
I want to give her my best and help to shape her into the best.
So if she really rejected my feelings, I would still gladly stay by her side to see her being happy.
Or maybe... until she doesn't need me anymore.
Until she can finally stand on her own.

After hearing to all different point of views,
A lot of them said that there's a chance in this;
Even my heart told me that too.
But...

Somehow, at the same time, I knew that it might not work out.
After all, maybe she really just view me as her master, and nothing else.
When that really happened, when she finally thought of that and told me that's her answer,
I guess I really would just... you know, smile and try to make her happy again...
I mean, like, how it was, you know?

So if she wished for me to stay by her side, I would gladly do so...
But I hope whatever she do really will not disappoint me.
'cause if she really did that, I would be very angry.
Very.
Like, when she decided not to tell me that she's taking composition.
I AM angry, because she doesn't trust me.
She thinks I would laugh at it, but I certainly will not because of some stupid reasons!
I will laugh, because I think it's very good.
I will smile, because I can't hold back my feelings of proudness of her.
But I would never look down on her just because she's doing this.
She's doing something great, and she really should know it.

Really.

I would help her out, but sometimes I really think that I did a little bit too much.
Will whatever that I'm doing make her to go down someday?
I feared to talk for her, even though I really wanted to do so.
I feared to do stuffs for her, because I know the consequences might not be good.
I should control myself not to be too overpowering her, and let her do what she wants instead.
Suggestions are good, helping her to improve is good, but...
I guess I should stop... interfering with her. -sigh-

But really, am I doing her good? Or I'm just dragging her down?
Honestly, did I really teach her anything?
I don't know. I really don't know.

I'm not sure if my presence is something that she should be glad to have.

-sigh-

Again, I just hope for her best.
If I am not the best for her, of course I should leave.
And maybe I would.
For her sake.

为何我还在这儿？

Insert Song: 如果你也聽說

忽然我觉得，她没有我依然可以过活。她根本不需要我。有时候在她身边我是多余的。啊，真的好可恨把“情书“交给了她。。。的箱子。（我果然是笨蛋吧orz|||) 啊，好后悔。算了，不想去理了。

今天听了她的歌，我真得很为她感到开心：歌真得很好听。但，我也觉得很有压力、很自卑。虽说自身是她的师傅，但真正到底教了她什么？我觉得我做的一切都是多余的 --- 她根本不需要我的帮忙。在她身边有时候觉得很无力 --- 我不能再为她做些什么。而且，她的歌比我的好听许多倍！她还说什么很奇怪什么的。。。我操！这些作品让我多难堪啊啊啊啊啊啊啊~ 我都快想RAGEQUIT了你妈。OTL|||

啊啊啊啊。总之，我觉得我不配 --- 一点也不。知道她这么本领我真得很想逃了。唉。好后悔于那情书。唉唉唉唉唉唉唉唉唉唉唉唉唉唉唉唉唉唉唉。。。。。。。。。。

讲真的：为何我还在这儿？我一点都不。。。唉。Haiz.
不想活了。OTL|||

= = =

在许多年之后，可能她已经不记得我了吧。
在许多年之后，可能我已经没有存在感了吧。
在许多年之后。。。

Black Malaysia

It would actually be nice if I'm an assassin, so that I can kill those that fails the people.
Even if it will take time to observe and plan, I will do it.
But I'm not.

I am utterly sad that the current government stays through such dirty and ugly methods.

Honestly, I'm ok with anyone who became the government, as long as they battle fairly and cleanly - because peace is what I usually uphold.
But seeing how BN wins is really something my heart became sour with emotions, and this is the first very time I feel like crying over my own country.

I can't vote - by the law - but I'm 21.
I'm a university student, I know what I'm doing.
I know what is right and what is wrong.
I've seen both largest power fight, and I've seen flaws in both parties.
I support neither, because neither fights with pure cleanliness.

But now BN really pissed me off by winning this through such dirty way.

I cannot unsee how this happened, and I definitely cannot ignore the fire in me.

If this is what they said about democracy, I would be happier if the English people come and take over the country.

An outsider stabbing us is always better than a country-traitor stabbing us.

告白かな～

Insert: 今すぐに (by AZU)

実はね、告白しちゃった。。。まあ、あんまり見えないの方法ね。
ってさあ、April Fool の時間って告白するって、誰にも解んないだよな～

でも、それでいいのよ。

ねえ、
素直にできないって、ごめんね。
騙されちゃって、ごめんね。
この関係を破壊されたくないだから、
このままで、自分だけで解るって、

もう、いいのよ。
貴方はあたしの初めての弟子だからさあ。
貴方は、あたし初めてこんないっぱいの霊感があるの人だから。
この関係だけ、絶対破壊されたくない。

ありがとう。

*smiles*

Break Up

Insert: Mirai Nikki playlist

Heh, I'm the bad person here.
I tricked her into this, wasted my time and money on something not so important.
Bleh. I don't care anymore.

If she thinks that this is how it is, then it should be how it is.
I won't defend myself anymore.

Whatever I done to help the situation just doesn't help at all. Meh.

Suan liao suan liao. I give up.

I just can't make you feel happy at all.
Every time you're sad I just can't make you happy at all.
Every time you're angry I can't do anything at all.
And of course, every time I'm emotional you can't help me at all.

You should find a better person indeed.
I should find a suitable one for myself too.

There. This is done and this is this.

I hope for your recovery soon.

Sayonara.

Excited? Anxious?

Insert: Some-new-mysterious-swingy-song (by ARCYM)

As some of you readers might know (or perhaps not?) my 21st birthday is coming soon.

HURRAY!!!

But then, there's a question...

What to do for that day?

Inviting people into your party is a good thing, but anything to show what you've been doing up until now? I have no skills to perform on the piano or anything, but I do have one thing that I'm quite proud of myself of:

My compositions.

1. Ame Oto (2010)
2. Arcadia Theme (2012)
3. Battle Theme (2011)
4. Mark's Entrance (2011)
5. Hitoribocchi no Michi (2010)
6. Nankahen no Sekai (2013)
7. Nee, Shitteru? (Undone... possibly Finale-ing this.)
8. Nemurenai Yoru (2010)
9. Summer Float (2012)
10. REIZEI (2013)
11. Secret Galaxy of the Silent (2013)
12. Setsuna (2012)
13. Soar (2012)
14. Tsumetai no Kokoro (2010)
15. Zhen De Zhen De Hen Ai Ni (2011)
16. Setsunai no Koi (2012)
17. Miss You (2013)

Then again, all of them are MIDI, and all of them are undone. Mainly because I'm lazy
There's only ONE live-show, which is nothing of my expectations at all -sigh-
I was thinking if I should invite players to come and perform? Then again, my house couldn't house so many people, and that drum set. -sigh-

Maybe I should go to some cafe and celebrate it there so that I can perform.

Then again, I don't quite like being away from my house - my safe haven.

So I shall showcase through MIDI? LOL! That's actually a pretty funny idea. Sigh.
And I'm not quite sure if they're ready to be presented... I mean, most of them are pretty half-assed. OTL|||
Of course, I can always show my early sakuhin and then slowly move up to what I did right now. It might give some surprises.
Then again... listening back to those songs are pretty funny.

And I need to record and make them into mp3 in order for that to happen.

So many works. OTL|||

And remind myself to borrow that mp3/pendrive player from my sis-in-law.

Now, aside from showcasing my stuffs, what else I need to keep the party alive? Compose more songs? No.

Games and alcohols.

Since this is my 21st birthday party, a lot of people seemed to be interested in making me drunk... gosh, I hope I don't do weird things when I'm drunk D8
Then again, I'm also interested in knowing my limits. >3
So there will be games, about alcohols. XD

BWAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA~~~~~~ >DDDDDD

= = = = = =

*cough* Anyways.

So much for excitement and anxiety XDDD

I guess I should go back to my compositions now |3

CIAO~~~

A Meaningless Dong Zhi

Insert: Persona Music Live

I've never thought this day will come...
I am actually alone at home (with a maid).

But I'm sad, really sad.

Today's supposed to be a day where all family members gather around and... yeah.
"Dong Zhi", they call this day.

My sister remembered it well, and even helped me to make Tang Yuan.
Sadly, she's already married, and she won't be staying at home to finish the job with me.
I always thought that my brother would AT LEAST remember it... but no, he didn't.
He even had dinners and everything with someone else.

So I'm left alone.

My parents are out, probably in the plane or something.
I hope they'll come back safe, sincerely.

Or I'm really being left alone.

I already had this feeling when I make Tang Yuan yesterday.
The things kept on scattering, and I thought "what, our family's going to scatter? LOL!"

It wasn't funny now that I thought of it.

Ah, well, I guess it couldn't help it.
Without my parents, they won't do anything anyway.
They wouldn't care much about traditions and stuffs, and just focus on themselves.

Very well then, I shall carry on this damned tradition.
If it pleased you, I shall carry all of the things in this house.
Of course, it'll be a lil' bit too much of a burden... but really, no one's doing it.
My sis can't help, and my bro is too focused on something else.

Blaragh. Whatever.

Pray alone, dinner alone, and... yeah.
Whatever, I really don't want to think about it anymore.
It's making me sad and I really don't like to be emotional. Sigh.

Screw family gathering, screw everything.
I'm gonna be alone.